𝕎𝕙𝕚𝕔𝕙 ℂ𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕔𝕤 𝔸𝕣𝕖 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝔹𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝔹𝕠𝕠𝕜𝕤 𝕐𝕠𝕦 ℂ𝕒𝕟 𝔹𝕦𝕪?: ɴᴇᴡ ꜱᴜᴘᴇʀʜᴇʀᴏ ᴄᴏᴍɪᴄ ʙᴏᴏᴋ & ɢʀᴀᴘʜɪᴄ ɴᴏᴠᴇʟ ʀᴀᴛɪɴɢꜱ & ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡꜱ [ 𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚕 / 𝙳𝙲 𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚌𝚜 / 𝙸𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚎 / 𝙸𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚎 ] 11-06-19 X-Force #1

𝕎𝕙𝕚𝕔𝕙 ℂ𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕔𝕤 𝔸𝕣𝕖 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝔹𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝔹𝕠𝕠𝕜𝕤 𝕐𝕠𝕦 ℂ𝕒𝕟 𝔹𝕦𝕪?:

ɴᴇᴡ ꜱᴜᴘᴇʀʜᴇʀᴏ ᴄᴏᴍɪᴄ ʙᴏᴏᴋ & ɢʀᴀᴘʜɪᴄ ɴᴏᴠᴇʟ ʀᴀᴛɪɴɢꜱ & ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡꜱ

[ 𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚕 / 𝙳𝙲 𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚌𝚜 / 𝙸𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚎 / 𝙸𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚎 ]

11-06-19 X-Force #1

 

I usually don’t say a lot about art in my reviews. Usually, in today’s comics the art falls into a few categories:

  • Standard and does the job
  • Standard with poor storytelling so the comic is hard to read
  • Above-average to excellent but there’s not much that’s unique about it

Because of this, there’s little to say about the art most of the time. The art in this comic is rough around the edges but it’s striking, dynamic and unique. My only complaint is that some characters are a bit too exaggerated. One guy in particular looks like “Bane” and “The Hulk” had a baby. To be fair, though I think that guy was cybernetically enhanced so maybe it makes sense. With that said, I have to ask why the knockoff “Image” 90s-style cover when the interior art is so much better? That cover makes me think “oh a real ho-hum comic. One purely made to leech more money out of me”.

We begin this comic with “Domino” infiltrating some anti-human group. Immediately this group is infinitely more interesting and more menacing than the people in “House/Powers Of X”. We then cut to “Wolverine” and “Beast” as “Wolverine” fights off a monster that attacks “Beast”. Counter to every other “X-book”, “Krakoa” here has a dark side with predators around every corner. This is so much more interesting than the “paradise” the other books portray. At this point, this comic is pretty damn good… Then they start fucking it up…

Next, there’s an info page explaining that “Black Tom” controls plants and is connected to “Krakoa” through them. As always, this could simply be explained in the actual story which doesn’t need to be “stopped” by these info pages. Also, if you’re going to explain something, explain how “Black Tom” has plant-based powers. As far as I knew his power was to shoot energy through a staff. I assume this is a secondary mutation but with this big relaunch, there are a lot of new readers. These comics have done a piss-poor job on filling people on things like this. Anyway, “Black Tom” senses something and goes to warn everyone. This seems to be a false alarm because it’s actually the “Marauders” team on their boat. They’ve brought back a bunch of Russian refugee mutants and very beat up “Colossus”.

Now another info page. This page goes into the “official response” and “unofficial response” to nations that don’t recognize the mutant terrorist ethnostate. The official response is reasonable and sane and the unofficial response is all the stupid nonsense that makes this status quo unbearably stupid. 

Elsewhere we see some of the anti-mutant people from the beginning on a commercial airline flight. We then cut to “Xavier” and “Sage” telepathically discussing the fact that “Domino” has been missing for a while. “Xavier” then takes a fast-travel plant to “Sokovia” where it seems like they’re on board with acknowledging the mutant terrorist ethnostate. There’s then a short scene with “Jean” and a healing guy in a place called “Healing Gardens” healing “Colossus” and the refugees. 

Back with the anti-mutant people see now see they’ve used gas or something to knock out everyone else on the plane. They then jump from the plane down to “Krokoa” below. They look like “The Reavers” but I don’t think they are referred to by that in this comic. Somehow they used “Domino” to get through “Krokoa’s” defenses. “Black Tom” is suspicious about “Domino” suddenly reappearing and start talking in the third person. It’s annoying…

He also calls “Xavier” “boss” and that seems really out of character to me. Then “Xavier” says something that is so stupid it’s exasperating. He says “all mutants can be trusted”… “Chuck” the guy you’re talking to is usually a criminal asshole. Your whole island is filled with terrorist criminals you use to fight. What the fuck are you talking about?! How the fuck can this idiot be this fucking naive or say something this Goddamn stupid! C’mon comic you were doing alright at first!

The anti-mutant people then land and start murking mutants left and right. “Black Tom” fights off a few as “Xavier” runs away. “Black Tom” in the middle of this mentions the “stinking genitals of all Krakoa”. For fucks’ sake with this dialog! Anyway, as “Xavier” runs, we learn that the anti-mutant people have stuff that blocks telepathy. “Wolverine”, “Beast”, and “Jean” join the fight and “Jean” at one point thinks “it’s time to be smart and swift and violent”. Dammit comic, you’re getting dumb. She can just fight them without sounding like an asshole. Then one of the guys shoots “Xavier”. This would be a concern before “House/ Powers Of X” but now we know there are clones of “Xavier” that “Proteus” uses and we know “Xavier” regularly backs up his own mind. So this is nothing more than a cheap cliffhanger and plot point for other books. 

This was so close to being genuinely good, but this terrible status quo is like an anchor the weighs down any good idea in any “X-book” now. This almost feels like the book was too good and someone said “make it stupider” so it wouldn’t completely outclass the other books. Even with all that, this should be the main “X-book”. Besides being kind of violent there’s nothing all that “X-force” about it. It’s got “Jean” and “Beast” on the team for God’s sake! There’s hope with this one. I hope that it isn’t in vain… This one shows some genuine effort so even though I’m on the fence I’m going to give it a pass. C+

Recommendation: One Of The Better Books You Can Buy (Barely)

𝕎𝕙𝕚𝕔𝕙 ℂ𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕔𝕤 𝔸𝕣𝕖 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝔹𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝔹𝕠𝕠𝕜𝕤 𝕐𝕠𝕦 ℂ𝕒𝕟 𝔹𝕦𝕪?: ɴᴇᴡ ꜱᴜᴘᴇʀʜᴇʀᴏ ᴄᴏᴍɪᴄ ʙᴏᴏᴋ & ɢʀᴀᴘʜɪᴄ ɴᴏᴠᴇʟ ʀᴀᴛɪɴɢꜱ & ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡꜱ [ 𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚕 / 𝙳𝙲 𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚌𝚜 / 𝙸𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚎 / 𝙸𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚎 ] 11-06-19 New Mutants #1

𝕎𝕙𝕚𝕔𝕙 ℂ𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕔𝕤 𝔸𝕣𝕖 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝔹𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝔹𝕠𝕠𝕜𝕤 𝕐𝕠𝕦 ℂ𝕒𝕟 𝔹𝕦𝕪?:

ɴᴇᴡ ꜱᴜᴘᴇʀʜᴇʀᴏ ᴄᴏᴍɪᴄ ʙᴏᴏᴋ & ɢʀᴀᴘʜɪᴄ ɴᴏᴠᴇʟ ʀᴀᴛɪɴɢꜱ & ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡꜱ

[ 𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚕 / 𝙳𝙲 𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚌𝚜 / 𝙸𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚎 / 𝙸𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚎 ]

11-06-19 New Mutants #1

 

I’m pretty behind on these reviews. One benefit to this though is that I’ve read ahead and see how connected books like the “X-titles” affect each other. This series, for instance, seems to exist only to explain a minor plot point in “X-men” #2. That plot point is why “Doug Ramsey” (who can translate anything) isn’t around to help translate something. There’s several better ways to explain this, but why not milk the audience for a few more bucks?

We start this one off with the soulless cloning… I mean “resurrecting” of “Wolfsbane” (who got murked in the storyline right before “House/ Powers Of X”). We get what is now a customary cringey scene of out-of-character “Storm” talking like a cult leader to “Wolfsbane” as she’s freshly resurrected and naked and gooey. She’s then chilling in “Krakoa” and it’s painted out to be like heaven or something.

You know deleted scenes in a movie where you watch them and go “oh yeah good thing they cut that out”! That’s about a third of the comic from there. There’s a part where “Krakoa” speaks through “Mondo” and it disturbs both of them. From there characters from “New Mutants” and “Generation X” do stuff. Not interesting stuff or stuff of any importance. Just stuff. There’s some unfunny jokes and some “anti-human” talk sprinkled in because what’s an “X-title” under this status quo without the equivalent of casual racism thrown in? Then some of them remember “Cannonball” is in space visiting his family… Wait what? I thought his family were a bunch of hillbillies! What the fuck are they doing in space?! Think this comic is going take the effort to explain that? Haha! Of course not.

So they use the fast travel plant that “Corsair” was given in “X-men #1” to go to “Corsair’s” ship. The fast travel plant is fucking with the plants one the Starjammers, “Ch’od” is growing so “Doug” sticks the teleporting plant inside “Mondo” and this solves the problem.

While traveling through space “Magik” beats the “Starjammer”,”Raza” in a sword fight that the others bet on. The “Starjammers” then go to a space station called “Benevolence”. “Corsair” lies about the place to the “New Mutants” in about as heavy-handed a way as possible with something about a super repressive religion and tells them to stay on the ship. Immediately all the “New Mutants” want to leave the ship except “Roberto” and they ditch his ass to leave the ship when he goes to get booze. “Magik” teleports them to the space station and as they run into “The Starjammers” it’s quickly revealed that this was really about them stealing this egg thing from the “Shi’ar”. A bunch of “Shi’ar” soldiers soon come and pin the “New Mutants” down and then “The Starjammers” just leave them hanging. That’s next level dickishness, but it gets worse. “The Starjammers” return to their ship and “Roberto” learns the rest of his team are getting left behind. Naturally “Roberto” is like “what the fuck, man”?! Then “The Starjammers” give their petty bullshit reasons for leaving a bunch of kids to death or imprisonment in space jail and kick “Roberto” out for questioning it. Unbelievable dickishness. We then end with the “New Mutants” captured and there’s mention of a “space lawyer” that I guess we’ll see next issue.

So a lot of straight up wasted pages and kind a stupid pointless plot that makes “The Starjammers” look like assholes. I’ll give the writers the benefit of the doubt on this and go with either they’ll have a change of heart or this is some part of a bigger plan “Corsair” has. The painted art is nice though. C.

Reccommendation: One Of The Lesser Books You Can Buy

𝕎𝕙𝕚𝕔𝕙 ℂ𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕔𝕤 𝔸𝕣𝕖 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝔹𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝔹𝕠𝕠𝕜𝕤 𝕐𝕠𝕦 ℂ𝕒𝕟 𝔹𝕦𝕪?: ɴᴇᴡ ꜱᴜᴘᴇʀʜᴇʀᴏ ᴄᴏᴍɪᴄ ʙᴏᴏᴋ & ɢʀᴀᴘʜɪᴄ ɴᴏᴠᴇʟ ʀᴀᴛɪɴɢꜱ & ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡꜱ [ 𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚕 / 𝙳𝙲 𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚌𝚜 / 𝙸𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚎 / 𝙸𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚎 ] 10-30-19 Excalibur #1

𝕎𝕙𝕚𝕔𝕙 ℂ𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕔𝕤 𝔸𝕣𝕖 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝔹𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝔹𝕠𝕠𝕜𝕤 𝕐𝕠𝕦 ℂ𝕒𝕟 𝔹𝕦𝕪?:

ɴᴇᴡ ꜱᴜᴘᴇʀʜᴇʀᴏ ᴄᴏᴍɪᴄ ʙᴏᴏᴋ & ɢʀᴀᴘʜɪᴄ ɴᴏᴠᴇʟ ʀᴀᴛɪɴɢꜱ & ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡꜱ

[ 𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚕 / 𝙳𝙲 𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚌𝚜 / 𝙸𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚎 / 𝙸𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚎 ]

10-30-19 Excalibur #1

 

Excalibur #1

 I’ve said this before but it needs reiterating “Apocalypse” is a genocidal madman. He is not a freedom fighter for mutants who is overly aggressive. He’s not someone who is merely for mutant supremacy. In fact, I would contend that “Apocalypse” doesn’t care about mutants at all. He’s completely agnostic about it. He is about who is strongest and that is it. That’s why “The Hulk” was one of his horsemen once. Not a mutant. Just one of the strongest. As we’ve seen in the “Age of Apocalypse” where “Apocalypse” ruled America if he had his way, he’d commit genocide on humans. He would put them in pens and systematically cull them. “Cull” being a nice word for murder here. So having “Apocalypse” as a member of an “X-team” is nothing less than insanity. It’s sick, and it’s obscene, but more importantly it’s stupid.

With that out of the way, the main thing that can be said about this comic is that it’s boring. There’s boring stuff with “Morgan Le Fay”. Boring stuff with “Captain Britain” and “Psylocke”… I mean “Elizabeth Braddock”. “Psylocke” is now the Asian woman that “Elizabeth Braddock” switched bodies with. Ya know the cool ninja “Psylocke” that we actually like. This comic is so boring and the storytelling is so poor that I imagine the pitch for it went something like this…

Editor: Hey you!

Writer: Were you talking to me?

Editor: Yeah, whatever. You’re writing “Excalibur” now

Writer: What?

Editor: You’re writing “Excalibur” and “Apocalypse” is on the team.

Writer: Wait, what are you talking about?

Editor: Also the boring British version of “Psylocke” is the leader and she’s “Captain Britain” now.

Writer: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What is going on here?!

Editor: You got a week to write it!

Writer: I’m going to need months to even attempt to think about how to make any of this make any sense!

Editor: Actually the schedule’s been bumped up you. You got three days! Also, do some “Prince symbol thing” with “Apocalypse”. I like Prince and I like genocidal madmen.

From here I’ll just give random bullet points from the plot because it’s too boring to go into.

  • There’s a gate to “Otherworld/Camelot” (where “Morgan Le Fay” lives) that is blocked off in “Krakoa”. I think “Apocalypse” planted “Krakoa’s” magic fast travel flowers there and “Morgan Le Fay” is pissy about it.
  • There’s some stuff with a coven in England that “Morgan Le Fay” threatens.
  • “Jamie Braddock” is brought back to life on “Krakoa”. I don’t know much about him but he’s a villain and he’s a dick.
  • “Captain Britain” is called to “Otherworld” to deal with the “Morgan Le Fay” thing and “Betsy” come with him. She changes into her costume with “Krakoan costume technology”. Wow, it there anything that the writers can’t use “Krokoa” to lazily explain?
  • The “X-men” learn “Betsy” is in “Otherworld” and want to get her back. For some reason “Rogue” is asked by “Apocalypse” to “absorb” the gate. I have no fucking clue what the fuck this was supposed to do.
  • “Captain Britain” and “Betsy” fight “Morgan Le Fay” and her minions and “Captain Britain” is taken under “Morgan Le Faye’s” spell. “Betsy” throws some “psychic sword” at the gate to “Krakoa” and that shatters it trapping her there supposedly.
  • On the other side in “Krakoa” some kind of plant gets through the gate and it freezes “Rogue”.
  • “Betsy” grabs “Captain Britain’s” amulet and becomes the new “Captain Britain”. This allows her to leave “Otherworld”.
  • The main lady from the coven from before kills the other members of her coven and joins another coven.

This comic is the worst kind of bad. It’s not even “fun bad”. It’s just bland and hard to get through. Also, the art is nothing special. Fine, is about the most I can say about it. This is a really low C-.

Recommendation: One Of The Lesser Books You Can Buy

 

𝕎𝕙𝕚𝕔𝕙 ℂ𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕔𝕤 𝔸𝕣𝕖 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝔹𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝔹𝕠𝕠𝕜𝕤 𝕐𝕠𝕦 ℂ𝕒𝕟 𝔹𝕦𝕪?: ɴᴇᴡ ꜱᴜᴘᴇʀʜᴇʀᴏ ᴄᴏᴍɪᴄ ʙᴏᴏᴋ & ɢʀᴀᴘʜɪᴄ ɴᴏᴠᴇʟ ʀᴀᴛɪɴɢꜱ & ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡꜱ [ 𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚕 / 𝙳𝙲 𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚌𝚜 / 𝙸𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚎 / 𝙸𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚎 ] 10-23-19 Marauders #1

𝕎𝕙𝕚𝕔𝕙 ℂ𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕔𝕤 𝔸𝕣𝕖 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝔹𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝔹𝕠𝕠𝕜𝕤 𝕐𝕠𝕦 ℂ𝕒𝕟 𝔹𝕦𝕪?:

ɴᴇᴡ ꜱᴜᴘᴇʀʜᴇʀᴏ ᴄᴏᴍɪᴄ ʙᴏᴏᴋ & ɢʀᴀᴘʜɪᴄ ɴᴏᴠᴇʟ ʀᴀᴛɪɴɢꜱ & ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡꜱ

[ 𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚕 / 𝙳𝙲 𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚌𝚜 / 𝙸𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚎 / 𝙸𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚎 ]

10-23-19 Marauders #1

 

         Bear with me I’m about to go in quite a tangent… For something that is an ongoing series, it is best if the series is based around a mission statement. For a mini-series, it is best if it is based around a finite goal. When you put a finite goal on an ongoing series you automatically write yourself into a corner. At some point, the finite goal has to be accomplished. One option is to drag out the goal endlessly which the readers will notice because it drags out the writing. They will instinctively know that the pacing is wrong, and that progress isn’t being made in the story. The other option is to suddenly switch to a different goal when the original goal is completed. This is probably the superior option, but it is difficult to do this without making the series feel contrived.

         Here’s a weird example of this. There have been about a million different versions of “Scooby-Doo”. For like 99% of them the mission statement is very simple: kids and a talking dog in a van go around solving mysteries. Sometimes with celebrity guests! One time a “Scooby-Doo” series was different.. This series was “The 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo”. I remember little about it except “Scrappy-Doo” was in it and he always sucked. There was also some “Dr. Strange” type of guy. When I saw reruns of this, I was a little kid and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but something felt off about it. That “offness” was that this ongoing series had a finite goal.

         “X-Men On A Boat”, I’m sorry I mean “Marauders” (which is a much, much worse title but we’ll get into that later) is the “13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo” of X-Men. 

  13

Actually, it is the second one. The first was “Xtreme X-Men”. In that series, the finite goal was originally finding the diaries of “Destiny”. Again this was a series that was just kind of off. 

         Old cartoon aside, let’s get to the story. This story begins with “Storm”, “Nightcrawler” and “Kitty Pryde” with some young mutants as they’re about to use one of their magic teleporting flower things to take them to “Krakoa”. We soon realize that for some reason that “Kitty Pryde” cannot use it and injures her face pretty bad trying to enter. This seems unbelievably contrived, but I will give the writer the benefit of the doubt. I will assume there’s some well-thought-out reason why “Kitty Pryde” or why some mutants can’t use the portals. I’m just going to give them the fact that this makes sense and isn’t just stupid contrived nonsense used to pointlessly setup this series. Then “Kitty Pryde” steals a boat from a guy. Fuckin’, why?! This is a woman that has very close relationships with two teleporters. “Nightcrawler” and “Magik”. She could also just call “Charles Xavier” who is now exceedingly rich from selling his special cure-all drugs to humans. I will assume that there’re no planes that go to “Krakoa” but the “X-Men” have jets. Ya know the “Blackbird”? The big fuckin’ plane that they use for all their missions. Nobody can just fly and scoop her up and take her to “Krakoa”? Or she couldn’t at least pay somebody to take her by boat to “Krakoa”? She just has to be a straight-up criminal?! In this new status quo, every “X-Man” is just the fucking terrorist criminal dickhead?!

                Anyway, she steals a fucking boat, and she finally gets to “Krakoa”. She also brings some supplies for the “X-Men” while she’s doing this. There’s a not-so-funny joke about the stuff “Wolverine” wants and it’s kind of dumb but whatever. Also, they use the shitty information pages in this book to attempt to be funny. It is not funny.

         “Kitty” is then telepathically contacted by “Emma Frost”. “Emma,” says something about telling people to stop calling her “Kitty”. Ya know the affectionate name all her closest friends have always called since she was a child and she never had any problem with? Well, “Emma” (someone Kitty has never liked and was probably nightmare fuel for her for years since one of “Kitty’s” earliest missions was fighting the “Hellfire Club”) tells her to give it up and go by “Kate”. I’m once again going to give the writer a huge benefit of the doubt and assume this is leading towards “Kitty” becoming more like the “Days Of Future Past” version of herself where she was referred to as “Kate”.  Anyway “Emma” offers “Kitty” the opportunity to be the captain of a boat to smuggle in the stupid “Krakoan” drugs and smuggle out the mutants from nations that don’t recognize the mutant terrorist ethnostate as a nation. 

         Elsewhere, “Iceman” uses one of the teleporting plants to go to Russia to see if any mutants there want to come to “Krakoa”. Anyone with half a brain cell would know Russia would never be about letting go of their citizens, but apparently “Iceman” is a moron. He’s met by Russian soldiers and a guy in a mech suit that cancels out mutant powers. He barely escapes with his life while running back through the portal to “Krakoa”. “Kitty” decides to mess with the sovereignty of Russia over its citizens and decides to take her boat there. She ropes in “Iceman” and “Storm” to come along. I got a question. If the “X-men” feel that strongly about mutants in other countries not being allowed to come to “Krakoa” shouldn’t they officially declare war on them? Even if we ignore that rather than waste time on a boat trip, why don’t they send a team without “Kitty” through the portal?

         We’re then taken to a scene in Taiwan where a woman is making a speech blaming the disappearance of her husband on mutants. After the speech, “Bishop” approaches her and tells her there’s no record of her husband using one of their magical teleporting plants to go to “Krakoa”. The lady’s response is basically “fuck off, mutie”. “Bishop” then reports back to “Xavier” that “something fishy is going on”. This is actually kind of interesting. A short mini-series or a series of backup comics about “Bishop” investigating this could be half decent. Unfortunately, we have to go back to this comic.

         We then cut to “Kitty” and the others on the boat. The original “Pyro” just happened to be brought back to life and just happened to be there. So that’s a thing. The team gets to Russia and they fight the guy in the mech suit that negates mutant powers which for some reason doesn’t work on “Kitty” and she phases through it and destroys it. “Kitty” is then is one-woman wrecking machine on the Russian soldiers and takes them down in an overly violent fashion. She probably could simply phase around while the others got to the mutants that want to leave Russia but instead she punches a guy in the throat, shoots a guy in the kneecap, and gets really over-the-top by phasing a gun into two of the soldiers’ legs.  Then when more soldiers are coming “Lockheed” shoots some fire and “Pyro” blasts all of them. A guy says “retreat” so I guess we can assume he didn’t murder them all. We’re then told these mutants were going to put in the gulag after the fact to justify this.

         One of the mutants is recording all this on her phone and “Kitty” names the team “The Marauders”. Which would be like an American team of soldiers calling themselves “Al Queda” as the original “The Marauders” massacred the “Morlocks” and maimed one of the founding “X-men”, “Angel”. She then states the finite goal of the book which is bringing mutants in places that won’t let mutants leave back to “Krakoa”. Then everyone sails back with “Kitty”.

         “Storm” being a sane person who actually lead the “Morlocks” questions the “Marauders” name and “Kitty” is like “I was on the spot”. She wasn’t though. No one prompted her to give this group a name. Also, again an American soldier on the spot would not name their unit “Al Queda” because they’re on some chicks Instagram story. “Kitty” then says she doesn’t want to live on “Krakoa” and asks “Storm” to stay with her and “Storm” agrees. “Kitty” then telepathically agree to “Emma’s” earlier proposition… Has “Emma” been mentally “on hold” this entire time?! She then demands people call her “Kate” because “Emma,” told her she should do that. Then she’s an info page with “Mr. Sinister” stuff alluding to future things that will happen that are so vague the whole thing is rendered pointless.

         To sum up, we have an ongoing series with a stupid flimsy premise wrapped around a finite goal. The art is good, but that’s just kind of a sad waste. Can we get back to real “X-men” soon? C-.

Recommendation: One Of The Lesser Books You Can Buy

𝕎𝕙𝕚𝕔𝕙 ℂ𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕔𝕤 𝔸𝕣𝕖 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝔹𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝔹𝕠𝕠𝕜𝕤 𝕐𝕠𝕦 ℂ𝕒𝕟 𝔹𝕦𝕪?: ɴᴇᴡ ꜱᴜᴘᴇʀʜᴇʀᴏ ᴄᴏᴍɪᴄ ʙᴏᴏᴋ & ɢʀᴀᴘʜɪᴄ ɴᴏᴠᴇʟ ʀᴀᴛɪɴɢꜱ & ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡꜱ [ 𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚕 / 𝙳𝙲 𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚌𝚜 / 𝙸𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚎 / 𝙸𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚎 ] 10-16-19 X-Men #1

 𝕎𝕙𝕚𝕔𝕙 ℂ𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕔𝕤 𝔸𝕣𝕖 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝔹𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝔹𝕠𝕠𝕜𝕤 𝕐𝕠𝕦 ℂ𝕒𝕟 𝔹𝕦𝕪?:

ɴᴇᴡ ꜱᴜᴘᴇʀʜᴇʀᴏ ᴄᴏᴍɪᴄ ʙᴏᴏᴋ & ɢʀᴀᴘʜɪᴄ ɴᴏᴠᴇʟ ʀᴀᴛɪɴɢꜱ & ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡꜱ

[ 𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚕 / 𝙳𝙲 𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚌𝚜 / 𝙸𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚎 / 𝙸𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚎 ] 10-16-19 X-Men #1

This comic is like meeting up with a friend you haven’t seen in a long time… Then you see some pictures of them that pop up somewhere in your social media. They look good. They look healthy. They don’t look happy though and every picture they have this weird forced grin. Then you meet up with this friend again in person and they’re just… Something off about them. You know this person. They’re your friend. This just isn’t quite in them. Then it gets weird because they say some things that are kind of racist. This is your friends and you try to give them the benefit of the doubt. “Maybe that didn’t quite mean what I thought they meant by that,” you think, but the more you talk the more racist they sound. Then someone overhears your friend and they’re mad about what your friend said. The thing is that person is racist too. So now you’re just watching a fight where you have no one to root for. Your old friend is a racist piece of shit and the guy he is fighting is a racist piece of shit. Also, your friend doesn’t look as good as how he did in his vacation pics. They don’t look bad, but those pics are obviously photoshopped.

Enough of this analogy. Basically, we are stuck with the crappy status quo left from “House & Powers Of X”. This is more of that except the art isn’t as good and all the fun little surprises are gone. Also, there’s no stakes because any of the main characters can be brought to life brought back to life at any time.

We begin the issue with a cringy version of the first time “Xavier” gives “Cyclops” his ruby quartz glasses. There’s some asshole remark about humans being blind and how he shouldn’t be like them or some stupid shit like that. We then cut the present day with the “X-Men” are fighting the people they were fighting in “House Of X”. The team on this mission is “Cyclops”, “Magneto”, “Storm”, and “Polaris”. They all talk like a bunch of assholes about humans as they fight their way through this compound that kidnapped mutants or something. Somewhere in the middle a bunch of the human soldiers turn themselves in the apes and this is such shitty on-the-nose writing that’s it’s embarrassing. Then they find some human child who was experimented on and given powers. She teleports away and the “X-Men” decide to not even bother trying to find her because they’re racist assholes now. They then rescue all the mutant kids and use their magic teleporting plant to take them all back to “Krakoa”. The magic teleporting plant being a nice super convenient lazy writing way of “fast travel” in all “X-books” now (except “X-men On A Boat”… I mean “Marauders”).

We go to “Krakoa” and there’s a cringy scene with “Magneto” and a bunch of mutant kids. There’s a pointless scene with “Cyclops” and “Polaris”. We then cut back to the humans and the main evil human guy literally says they’re “fighting the future” which is something no person would ever say unironically.

Then we cut to “Cyclops” in his house… Which is on the moon. He’s having a barbecue with the whole extended “Summers” family along with “Wolverine” and “The Starjammers”. There are attempts at humor with “Vulcan” and “Wolverine” and “Rachel Summers” and the cat lady from “The Starjammers”. They’re not terrible but not good. “Vulcan” being there is stupid and terrible and he’s a terrible character to begin with so that just sucks by default. “Rachel Summers” still has the code name “Prestige” which is about the worst code name ever. Also “teen Cable” is there, which might have been the worst idea ever. They had the opportunity to either forget this happened or retcon it but for some reason, they didn’t. Astounding.

Thought the extremely lazy information pages were just a part of “House and Powers Of X”? Nope! They’re now apparently a terrible part of every “X-book” now. Here we’re given the layout of “Cyclops’s” house. For some reason, “Wolverine” has a room there. Lots of people are speculating this indicates that “Wolverine” and “Cyclops” are either tag-teaming “Jean Grey” or just sharing her. Gross. “Wolverine” take sloppy seconds from no man! Then there’s a bunch of boring stuff between “Cyclops” and his dad.

Back with the evil human people specifically that scientist lady from “House Of X”. She says something about having a crystal that could bring back her husband that died during “House Of X”. Unfortunately, no one cares about are these characters so fuck em’.

Moving on, the artist here is Leinil Yu. I’ve never been a big fan of his work. I find he puts way too many lines on people’s faces and everybody looks old and kind of ugly. I think his art works better in non-superhero comics. Like crime comics. Stuff like that. I will say though this is the best his work has ever looked. It’s still nowhere near as good as the art is “House and Powers Of X” though. This entire status quo is terrible and this issue sucks. As did “House and Powers Of X”. This is actually a little bit worse. C-.

Recommendation: One Of The Lesser Books You Can Buy