๐•Ž๐•™๐•š๐•”๐•™ โ„‚๐• ๐•ž๐•š๐•”๐•ค ๐”ธ๐•ฃ๐•– ๐•‹๐•™๐•– ๐”น๐•–๐•ค๐•ฅ ๐”น๐• ๐• ๐•œ๐•ค ๐•๐• ๐•ฆ โ„‚๐•’๐•Ÿ ๐”น๐•ฆ๐•ช?: ษดแด‡แดก ๊œฑแดœแด˜แด‡ส€สœแด‡ส€แด แด„แดแดษชแด„ ส™แดแดแด‹ & ษขส€แด€แด˜สœษชแด„ ษดแดแด แด‡สŸ ส€แด€แด›ษชษดษข๊œฑ & ส€แด‡แด ษชแด‡แดก๊œฑ [ ๐™ผ๐šŠ๐š›๐šŸ๐šŽ๐š• / ๐™ณ๐™ฒ ๐™ฒ๐š˜๐š–๐š’๐šŒ๐šœ / ๐™ธ๐š–๐šŠ๐š๐šŽ / ๐™ธ๐š—๐š๐š’๐šŽ ] 10-16-19 X-Men #1

ย ๐•Ž๐•™๐•š๐•”๐•™ โ„‚๐• ๐•ž๐•š๐•”๐•ค ๐”ธ๐•ฃ๐•– ๐•‹๐•™๐•– ๐”น๐•–๐•ค๐•ฅ ๐”น๐• ๐• ๐•œ๐•ค ๐•๐• ๐•ฆ โ„‚๐•’๐•Ÿ ๐”น๐•ฆ๐•ช?:

ษดแด‡แดก ๊œฑแดœแด˜แด‡ส€สœแด‡ส€แด แด„แดแดษชแด„ ส™แดแดแด‹ & ษขส€แด€แด˜สœษชแด„ ษดแดแด แด‡สŸ ส€แด€แด›ษชษดษข๊œฑ & ส€แด‡แด ษชแด‡แดก๊œฑ

[ ๐™ผ๐šŠ๐š›๐šŸ๐šŽ๐š• / ๐™ณ๐™ฒ ๐™ฒ๐š˜๐š–๐š’๐šŒ๐šœ / ๐™ธ๐š–๐šŠ๐š๐šŽ / ๐™ธ๐š—๐š๐š’๐šŽ ] 10-16-19 X-Men #1

This comic is like meeting up with a friend you havenโ€™t seen in a long time… Then you see some pictures of them that pop up somewhere in your social media. They look good. They look healthy. They donโ€™t look happy though and every picture they have this weird forced grin. Then you meet up with this friend again in person and theyโ€™re just… Something off about them. You know this person. Theyโ€™re your friend. This just isnโ€™t quite in them. Then it gets weird because they say some things that are kind of racist. This is your friends and you try to give them the benefit of the doubt. โ€œMaybe that didnโ€™t quiteย mean what I thought they meant by that,โ€ you think, but the more you talk the more racist they sound. Then someone overhears your friend and theyโ€™re mad about what your friend said. The thing is that person is racist too. So now youโ€™re just watching a fight where you have no one to root for. Your old friend is a racistย piece of shit and the guy he is fighting is a racist piece of shit. Also, your friend doesnโ€™t look as good as how he did in his vacation pics. They donโ€™t look bad, but those pics are obviously photoshopped.

Enough of this analogy. Basically, we are stuck with the crappy status quo left from โ€œHouse & Powers Of Xโ€. This is more of that except the art isnโ€™t as good and all the fun little surprises are gone. Also, thereโ€™s no stakes because any of the main characters can be brought to life brought back to lifeย at any time.

We begin the issue with a cringy version of the first time โ€œXavierโ€ gives โ€œCyclopsโ€ his ruby quartz glasses. Thereโ€™s some asshole remark about humans being blind and how he shouldnโ€™t be like them or some stupid shit like that. We then cut the present day with the โ€œX-Menโ€ are fighting the people they were fighting in โ€œHouse Of Xโ€. The team on this mission is โ€œCyclopsโ€, โ€œMagnetoโ€, โ€œStormโ€, and โ€œPolarisโ€. They all talk like a bunch of assholes about humans as they fight their way through this compound that kidnapped mutants or something. Somewhere in the middle a bunch of the human soldiers turn themselves in the apes and this is such shitty on-the-nose writing thatโ€™s itโ€™s embarrassing. Then they find some human child who was experimented on and given powers. She teleports away and the โ€œX-Menโ€ decide to not even bother trying to find her because theyโ€™re racist assholes now. They then rescue all the mutant kids and use their magic teleporting plant to take them all back to โ€œKrakoaโ€. The magic teleporting plant being a nice super convenient lazy writing way of โ€œfast travelโ€ in all โ€œX-booksโ€ now (except โ€œX-men On A Boatโ€… I mean โ€œMaraudersโ€).

We go to โ€œKrakoaโ€ and thereโ€™s a cringy scene with โ€œMagnetoโ€ and a bunch of mutant kids. Thereโ€™s a pointless scene with โ€œCyclopsโ€ and โ€œPolarisโ€. We then cut back to the humans and the main evil human guy literally says theyโ€™re โ€œfighting the futureโ€ which is something no person would ever say unironically.

Then we cut to โ€œCyclopsโ€ in his house… Which is on the moon. Heโ€™s having a barbecue with the whole extended โ€œSummersโ€ family along with โ€œWolverineโ€ and โ€œThe Starjammersโ€. There are attempts at humor with โ€œVulcanโ€ and โ€œWolverineโ€ and โ€œRachel Summersโ€ and the cat lady from โ€œThe Starjammersโ€. Theyโ€™re not terrible but not good. โ€œVulcanโ€ being there is stupid and terrible and heโ€™s a terrible character to begin with so that just sucks by default. โ€œRachel Summersโ€ still has the code name โ€œPrestigeโ€ which is about the worst code name ever. Also โ€œteen Cableโ€ is there, which might have been the worst idea ever. They had the opportunity to either forget this happened or retcon it but for some reason, they didnโ€™t. Astounding.

Thought the extremelyย lazy information pages were just a part of โ€œHouse and Powers Of Xโ€? Nope! Theyโ€™re now apparently a terrible part of every โ€œX-bookโ€ now. Here weโ€™re given the layout of โ€œCyclopsโ€™sโ€ house. For some reason, โ€œWolverineโ€ has a room there. Lots of people are speculating this indicates that โ€œWolverineโ€ and โ€œCyclopsโ€ are eitherย tag-teaming โ€œJean Greyโ€ or just sharing her. Gross. โ€œWolverineโ€ take sloppy seconds from no man! Then thereโ€™s a bunch of boring stuff between โ€œCyclopsโ€ and his dad.

Back with the evil human people specifically that scientist lady from โ€œHouse Of Xโ€. She says something about having a crystal that could bring back her husband that died during โ€œHouse Of Xโ€. Unfortunately, no one cares about are these characters so fuck emโ€™.

Moving on, the artist here is Leinil Yu. Iโ€™ve never been a big fan of his work. I find he puts way too many lines on peopleโ€™s faces and everybody looks old and kind of ugly. I think his art works better in non-superhero comics. Like crime comics. Stuff like that. I will say though this is the best his work has ever looked. Itโ€™s still nowhere near as good as the art is โ€œHouse and Powers Of Xโ€ though. This entire status quo is terrible and this issue sucks. As did โ€œHouse and Powers Of Xโ€. This is actually a little bit worse. C-.

Recommendation: One Of The Lesser Books You Can Buy

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