๐•Ž๐•™๐•š๐•”๐•™ โ„‚๐• ๐•ž๐•š๐•”๐•ค ๐”ธ๐•ฃ๐•– ๐•‹๐•™๐•– ๐”น๐•–๐•ค๐•ฅ ๐”น๐• ๐• ๐•œ๐•ค ๐•๐• ๐•ฆ โ„‚๐•’๐•Ÿ ๐”น๐•ฆ๐•ช?: ษดแด‡แดก ๊œฑแดœแด˜แด‡ส€สœแด‡ส€แด แด„แดแดษชแด„ ส™แดแดแด‹ & ษขส€แด€แด˜สœษชแด„ ษดแดแด แด‡สŸ ส€แด€แด›ษชษดษข๊œฑ & ส€แด‡แด ษชแด‡แดก๊œฑ [ ๐™ผ๐šŠ๐š›๐šŸ๐šŽ๐š• / ๐™ณ๐™ฒ ๐™ฒ๐š˜๐š–๐š’๐šŒ๐šœ / ๐™ธ๐š–๐šŠ๐š๐šŽ / ๐™ธ๐š—๐š๐š’๐šŽ ] 10-23-19 Marauders #1

๐•Ž๐•™๐•š๐•”๐•™ โ„‚๐• ๐•ž๐•š๐•”๐•ค ๐”ธ๐•ฃ๐•– ๐•‹๐•™๐•– ๐”น๐•–๐•ค๐•ฅ ๐”น๐• ๐• ๐•œ๐•ค ๐•๐• ๐•ฆ โ„‚๐•’๐•Ÿ ๐”น๐•ฆ๐•ช?:

ษดแด‡แดก ๊œฑแดœแด˜แด‡ส€สœแด‡ส€แด แด„แดแดษชแด„ ส™แดแดแด‹ & ษขส€แด€แด˜สœษชแด„ ษดแดแด แด‡สŸ ส€แด€แด›ษชษดษข๊œฑ & ส€แด‡แด ษชแด‡แดก๊œฑ

[ ๐™ผ๐šŠ๐š›๐šŸ๐šŽ๐š• / ๐™ณ๐™ฒ ๐™ฒ๐š˜๐š–๐š’๐šŒ๐šœ / ๐™ธ๐š–๐šŠ๐š๐šŽ / ๐™ธ๐š—๐š๐š’๐šŽ ]

10-23-19 Marauders #1

 

ย  ย  ย  ย  ย Bear with me Iโ€™m about to go in quite a tangent… For something that is an ongoing series, it is best if the series is based around a mission statement. For a mini-series, it is best if it is based around a finite goal. When you put a finite goal on an ongoing series you automatically write yourself into a corner. At some point, the finite goal has to be accomplished. One option is to drag out the goal endlessly which the readers will notice because it drags out the writing. They will instinctively know that the pacing is wrong, and that progress isnโ€™t being made in the story. The other option is to suddenly switch to a different goal when the original goal is completed. This is probably the superior option, but it is difficult to do this without making the series feel contrived.

ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  Hereโ€™s a weird example of this. There have been about a million different versions of โ€œScooby-Dooโ€. For like 99% of them the mission statement is very simple: kids and a talking dog in a van go around solving mysteries. Sometimes with celebrity guests! One time a โ€œScooby-Dooโ€ series was different.. This series was โ€œThe 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Dooโ€. I remember little about it except โ€œScrappy-Dooโ€ was in it and he always sucked. There was also some โ€œDr. Strangeโ€ type of guy. When I saw reruns of this, I was a little kid and I couldnโ€™t quite put my finger on it but something felt off about it. That โ€œoffnessโ€ was that this ongoing series had a finite goal.

ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  โ€œX-Men On A Boatโ€, Iโ€™m sorry I mean โ€œMaraudersโ€ (which is a much, much worse title but weโ€™ll get into that later) is the โ€œ13 Ghosts of Scooby-Dooโ€ of X-Men.ย 

ย  13

Actually, it is the second one. The first was โ€œXtreme X-Menโ€. In that series, the finite goal was originally finding the diaries of โ€œDestinyโ€. Again this was a series that was just kind of off.ย 

ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  Old cartoon aside, letโ€™s get to the story. This story begins with โ€œStormโ€, โ€œNightcrawlerโ€ and โ€œKitty Prydeโ€ with some young mutants as theyโ€™re about to use one of their magic teleporting flower things to take them to โ€œKrakoaโ€. We soon realize that for some reason that โ€œKitty Prydeโ€ cannot use it and injures her face pretty bad trying to enter. This seems unbelievably contrived, but I will give the writer the benefit of the doubt. I will assume thereโ€™s some well-thought-out reason why โ€œKitty Prydeโ€ or why some mutants canโ€™t use the portals. Iโ€™m just going to give them the fact that this makes sense and isnโ€™t just stupid contrived nonsense used to pointlessly setup this series. Then โ€œKitty Prydeโ€ steals a boat from a guy. Fuckinโ€™, why?! This is a woman that has very close relationships with two teleporters. โ€œNightcrawlerโ€ and โ€œMagikโ€. She could also just call โ€œCharles Xavierโ€ who is now exceedingly rich from selling his special cure-all drugs to humans. I will assume that there’re no planes that go to โ€œKrakoaโ€ but the โ€œX-Menโ€ have jets. Ya know the โ€œBlackbirdโ€? The big fuckinโ€™ plane that they use for all their missions. Nobody can just fly and scoop her up and take her to โ€œKrakoaโ€? Or she couldnโ€™t at least pay somebody to take her by boat to โ€œKrakoaโ€? She just has to be a straight-up criminal?! In this new status quo, every โ€œX-Manโ€ is just the fucking terrorist criminal dickhead?!

ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย Anyway, she steals a fucking boat, and she finally gets to โ€œKrakoaโ€. She also brings some supplies for the โ€œX-Menโ€ while sheโ€™s doing this. Thereโ€™s a not-so-funny joke about the stuff โ€œWolverineโ€ wants and itโ€™s kind of dumb but whatever. Also, they use the shitty information pages in this book to attempt to be funny. It is not funny.

ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  โ€œKittyโ€ is then telepathically contacted by โ€œEmma Frostโ€. โ€œEmma,โ€ says something about telling people to stop calling her โ€œKittyโ€. Ya know the affectionate name all her closest friends have always called since she was a child and she never had any problem with? Well, โ€œEmmaโ€ (someone Kitty has never liked and was probably nightmare fuel for her for years since one of โ€œKittyโ€™sโ€ earliest missions was fighting the โ€œHellfire Clubโ€) tells her to give it up and go by โ€œKateโ€. Iโ€™m once again going to give the writer a huge benefit of the doubt and assume this is leading towards โ€œKittyโ€ becoming more like the โ€œDays Of Future Pastโ€ version of herself where she was referred to as โ€œKateโ€.ย  Anyway โ€œEmmaโ€ offers โ€œKittyโ€ the opportunity to be the captain of a boat to smuggle in the stupid โ€œKrakoanโ€ drugs and smuggle out the mutants from nations that donโ€™t recognize the mutant terrorist ethnostate as a nation.ย 

ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  Elsewhere, โ€œIcemanโ€ uses one of the teleporting plants to go to Russia to see if any mutants there want to come to โ€œKrakoaโ€. Anyone with half a brain cell would know Russia would never be about letting go of their citizens, but apparently โ€œIcemanโ€ is a moron. Heโ€™s met by Russian soldiers and a guy in a mech suit that cancels out mutant powers. He barely escapes with his life while running back through the portal to โ€œKrakoaโ€. โ€œKittyโ€ decides to mess with the sovereignty of Russia over its citizens and decides to take her boat there. She ropes in โ€œIcemanโ€ and โ€œStormโ€ to come along. I got a question. If the โ€œX-menโ€ feel that strongly about mutants in other countries not being allowed to come to โ€œKrakoaโ€ shouldnโ€™t they officially declare war on them? Even if we ignore that rather than waste time on a boat trip, why donโ€™t they send a team without โ€œKittyโ€ through the portal?

ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  Weโ€™re then taken to a scene in Taiwan where a woman is making a speech blaming the disappearance of her husband on mutants. After the speech, โ€œBishopโ€ approaches her and tells her thereโ€™s no record of her husband using one of their magical teleporting plants to go to โ€œKrakoaโ€. The ladyโ€™s response is basically โ€œfuck off, mutieโ€. โ€œBishopโ€ then reports back to โ€œXavierโ€ that โ€œsomething fishy is going onโ€. This is actually kind of interesting. A short mini-series or a series of backup comics about โ€œBishopโ€ investigating this could be half decent. Unfortunately, we have to go back to this comic.

ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  We then cut to โ€œKittyโ€ and the others on the boat. The original โ€œPyroโ€ just happened to be brought back to life and just happened to be there. So thatโ€™s a thing. The team gets to Russia and they fight the guy in the mech suit that negates mutant powers which for some reason doesnโ€™t work on โ€œKittyโ€ and she phases through it and destroys it. โ€œKittyโ€ is then is one-woman wrecking machine on the Russian soldiers and takes them down in an overly violent fashion. She probably could simply phase around while the others got to the mutants that want to leave Russia but instead she punches a guy in the throat, shoots a guy in the kneecap, and gets really over-the-top by phasing a gun into two of the soldiers’ legs.ย  Then when more soldiers are coming โ€œLockheedโ€ shoots some fire and โ€œPyroโ€ blasts all of them. A guy says โ€œretreatโ€ so I guess we can assume he didnโ€™t murder them all. Weโ€™re then told these mutants were going to put in the gulag after the fact to justify this.

ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  One of the mutants is recording all this on her phone and โ€œKittyโ€ names the team โ€œThe Maraudersโ€. Which would be like an American team of soldiers calling themselves โ€œAl Quedaโ€ as the original โ€œThe Maraudersโ€ massacred the โ€œMorlocksโ€ and maimed one of the founding โ€œX-menโ€, โ€œAngelโ€. She then states the finite goal of the book which is bringing mutants in places that wonโ€™t let mutants leave back to โ€œKrakoaโ€. Then everyone sails back with โ€œKittyโ€.

ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  โ€œStormโ€ being a sane person who actually lead the โ€œMorlocksโ€ questions the โ€œMaraudersโ€ name and โ€œKittyโ€ is like โ€œI was on the spotโ€. She wasnโ€™t though. No one prompted her to give this group a name. Also, again an American soldier on the spot would not name their unit โ€œAl Quedaโ€ because theyโ€™re on some chicks Instagram story. โ€œKittyโ€ then says she doesnโ€™t want to live on โ€œKrakoaโ€ and asks โ€œStormโ€ to stay with her and โ€œStormโ€ agrees. โ€œKittyโ€ then telepathically agree to โ€œEmmaโ€™sโ€ earlier propositionโ€ฆ Has โ€œEmmaโ€ been mentally โ€œon holdโ€ this entire time?! She then demands people call her โ€œKateโ€ because โ€œEmma,โ€ told her she should do that. Then sheโ€™s an info page with โ€œMr. Sinisterโ€ stuff alluding to future things that will happen that are so vague the whole thing is rendered pointless.

ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย  To sum up, we have an ongoing series with a stupid flimsy premise wrapped around a finite goal. The art is good, but thatโ€™s just kind of a sad waste. Can we get back to real โ€œX-menโ€ soon? C-.

Recommendation: One Of The Lesser Books You Can Buy

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