𝕎𝕙𝕚𝕔𝕙 ℂ𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕔𝕤 𝔸𝕣𝕖 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝔹𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝔹𝕠𝕠𝕜𝕤 𝕐𝕠𝕦 ℂ𝕒𝕟 𝔹𝕦𝕪?:
I̳n̳c̳o̳m̳p̳l̳e̳t̳e̳ ̳R̳e̳v̳i̳e̳w̳s̳ ̳O̳f̳ ƑąӀӀҽղ ȺղցҽӀʂ 𝟙,
ᴍᴀʀᴀᴜᴅᴇʀꜱ 2, & 𝗘𝘅𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗯𝘂𝗿 𝟮
I was doing a month-long drawing project in December so I didn’t have time to do reviews. I did start these reviews though. I went back and forth over putting them out and ultimately decided to because I think there’s some funny entertaining stuff in these. I have been keeping up with these books though and to sum up all of these comics so far…
Fallen Angels: The only X-title under this current status quo with overall decent writing. This comic was plagued with “not ready for prime time” art though. It also ends pretty anti-climatic. Decent overall. B- as a series.
Every other X-title: Varying degrees of stupid and terrible. X-Force had potential but it quickly devolved. C-’s for the lot of them.
Fallen Angels #1
Let’s get the confusing part out of the way. Who the hell is Psylocke?
- Elizabeth (Betsy) Braddock was an English woman with telepathic powers and a “psychic knife” that discombobulates people that are hit with it.
- She was the sister to Captain Britain and recently took his mantle and powers in Excalibur. She joined the X-men using the codename Psylocke. Keep this bit in mind later…
- “The Hand” captured her and switched her body with a Japanese assassin woman named Kwannon. She kept her powers and got a hot Asian ninja body. I think it gave her a “thirst for fighting” or something too. I’ll refer to this person as Betsy.
- At some point her powers switched from telepathy to telekinesis.
- Kwannon was in “Elizabeth’s” body which contracted the “Legacy Virus” and died. She also somehow had “Elizabeth’s” original powers. We’ll go with both body and mind access “X-gene” abilities or something. It doesn’t work but whatever…
- Something happened in some mini-series I never read where Kwannon was resurrected and they switched back to their original bodies.
- This story is about Kwannon
We begin the story with what appears to be Kwannon’s daughter. She seems to be controlled by some evil force and derails a subway train. Kwannon narrates how she wants to find this daughter and bring her to Krakoa and how peaceful Krakoa is. The only word spoken by this daughter is Apoth. Apoth seems to be the ultimate villain of this comic.
We then go to Kwannon as she’s meditating in Krakoa. Some being or force (possibly God as “Abraham” is mentioned) contacts her and mentally tells her this Apoth person is evolving people: that he’s taken something from her; and that she needs to go to Japan and fight him. So far so good… Unfortunately, we have to deal with this status quo so…
Kwannon goes to see Magneto as he’s in charge since they haven’t brought back Xavier yet after he was killed in “X-force #1”. They’re really trying to milk this. She asks for permission to leave Krakoa because apparently on top of being a terrorist ethnostate it’s a prison now because things are on “lockdown” after Xavier was shot. The “Marauders” and Excalibur teams are an exception apparently because reasons. Or editors don’t try anymore. Take your pick. The scene is fairly tedious but we learn “Kwannon” has chosen to take the name Psylocke. Remember that bit I told you to remember before? This is where it comes up. Here’s what they should have done:
- Besty should be Psylocke as that was always her codename. Scrap the whole “her being Captain Britain thing”. So far she doesn’t even use any of those powers.
- Kwannon should just be “Kwannon. Revanche would also be acceptable.
Back with the scene, Magneto dicks around about it and is like “ask Mr. Sinister, something, something. I can’t officially let you so I’ll pretend like you didn’t ask”. The whole time you’re just like “let her go you asshole”! Then we get an even more tedious scene with Mr. Sinister. As they talk Kwannon says something about people not trusting her. I don’t get what this is about. As far as I ever knew she was an ally to the X-men. Why wouldn’t they trust her? They trust straight up genocidal monsters like Apocalypse but not her?! “Sinister” eventually agrees to give her passage out of Krakoa.
Next we cut to some party people are having that night on Krakoa. While others are dancing X-23 is sitting and Teen Cable asks her about it. I think he’s trying to mack on her but I’m not sure. X-23 is basically like “you tryna scrap”? The Teen Cable is like “you want none of this”! Then X-23 kicks his ass.
It’s great! Teen Cable sucks. Kwannon then sees them and is like “hey, ya’ll looks like ya’ll might be up for a possible death mission. If you got the sack for it, meet me at my crib”.
Info page with some unknown person contacting the US Navy about The Marauders.
- The video from last issue went viral
- There’s something about Storm giving mutants hard drives that allow them to contact other mutants and leave their countries.
- Something about The Marauders conducting business in “whiskey bars, gay dance clubs, and an underground casino” and this mystery person needing money for agents they’ve placed in these places in case The Marauders return
- Something about The Marauders stealing a boat from someone birthday party because they’re thieving assholes who have never heard of the “Blackbird” or any other plane they could easily legally get
Emma talks telepathically to the Stepford Cuckoos. There’s something about sticking together as women. Emma and Sebastian Shaw then talk about how he is somehow losing money and ships while selling miracle drugs on the black market. So I guess Sebastian Shaw is a bungling idiot which is the exact opposite of what I thought. I guess the mutants on these ships can’t fight worth a fuck and are also incompetent. I’m not even going to fight you on this comic…We then go to The Marauders mid-battle with Batroc The Leaper and some goons. This team has Storm, Ice-Man, and Pyro on it so them not beating them in less than a minute is an embarrassment. Pryo’s so useless he’s reduced to biting a guy. Time to hit the Danger Room guys you’ve gotten rusty. The exception is Kitty who just like in the last issue proves to be such a good fighter everyone else is covering her at most. On another note the timeline is pretty murky and unclear but Kitty is still sporting the injury to her nose from the beginning of issue one. If it’s still injured she needs to go to a fucking doctor already because conservatively it’s had to have been several weeks by now.
We start way in the past and see Apocalypse watch two mutants drown. He’s a dick. That’s well established. Then we cut to the Excalibur team on the Marauders’ ship. They’re going to where the old Excalibur team had a lighthouse to set up one of their fast travel plants there. Planes just don’t exist anymore so it’s up to Kitty and her apparently permanently disfigured nose to sail them there. Kitty jokes about hot tubs… I don’t even have the energy to groan at this shit anymore…
Rogue is still frozen from last issue so her husband Gambit really isn’t having Kitty’s bullshit. Seriously though Kitty is coming off like a real “see you next Tuesday” here as she also make a joke about Jubilee leaving her defenseless baby on an island filled with mutant terrorists to be involved in this nonsense. Poor Shogo (that’s the baby btw if you didn’t know).
The boat is then attacked by some all black female looking creatures called “Selkies” (Betsy tells us they’re like Seal-people) that were sent by Morgan Le Fay. During this confrontation we learn the lighthouse is somehow gone. Betsy leaves the ship and the Selkies follow her. She then climbs to a cliff and they can’t walk on land so they’re fucked.
Why send something this Goddamn useless?! Why is everything so Goddamn convenient all the time?! Why?!
Okay deep breath… Sorry. Let’s continue. Betsy uses telekinesis to move Rogue to her and the others eventually join her. They move further up the cliff to find some remnants of the lighthouse and discover a group of people in green cloaks that look like the guys that drowned in the beginning of this comic only Betsy can see them.