๐•Ž๐•™๐•š๐•”๐•™ โ„‚๐• ๐•ž๐•š๐•”๐•ค ๐”ธ๐•ฃ๐•– ๐•‹๐•™๐•– ๐”น๐•–๐•ค๐•ฅ ๐”น๐• ๐• ๐•œ๐•ค ๐•๐• ๐•ฆ โ„‚๐•’๐•Ÿ ๐”น๐•ฆ๐•ช?: Iฬณnฬณcฬณoฬณmฬณpฬณlฬณeฬณtฬณeฬณ ฬณRฬณeฬณvฬณiฬณeฬณwฬณsฬณ ฬณOฬณfฬณ ฦ‘ฤ…ำ€ำ€าฝีฒ ศบีฒึาฝำ€ส‚ ๐Ÿ™, แดแด€ส€แด€แดœแด…แด‡ส€๊œฑ 2, & ๐—˜๐˜…๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ฏ๐˜‚๐—ฟ ๐Ÿฎ

๐•Ž๐•™๐•š๐•”๐•™ โ„‚๐• ๐•ž๐•š๐•”๐•ค ๐”ธ๐•ฃ๐•– ๐•‹๐•™๐•– ๐”น๐•–๐•ค๐•ฅ ๐”น๐• ๐• ๐•œ๐•ค ๐•๐• ๐•ฆ โ„‚๐•’๐•Ÿ ๐”น๐•ฆ๐•ช?:

Iฬณnฬณcฬณoฬณmฬณpฬณlฬณeฬณtฬณeฬณ ฬณRฬณeฬณvฬณiฬณeฬณwฬณsฬณ ฬณOฬณfฬณ ฦ‘ฤ…ำ€ำ€าฝีฒ ศบีฒึาฝำ€ส‚ ๐Ÿ™,

แดแด€ส€แด€แดœแด…แด‡ส€๊œฑ 2, & ๐—˜๐˜…๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ฏ๐˜‚๐—ฟ ๐Ÿฎ

 

I was doing a month-long drawing project in December so I didnโ€™t have time to do reviews. I did start these reviews though. I went back and forth over putting them out and ultimately decided to because I think thereโ€™s some funny entertaining stuff in these. I have been keeping up with these books though and to sum up all of these comics so far…

Fallen Angels: The only X-title under this current status quo with overall decent writing. This comic was plagued with โ€œnot ready for prime timeโ€ art though. It also ends pretty anti-climatic. Decent overall. B- as a series.

Every other X-title: Varying degrees of stupid and terrible. X-Force had potential but it quickly devolved. C-โ€™s for the lot of them.ย ย ย 

Fallen Angels #1

Letโ€™s get the confusing part out of the way. Who the hell is Psylocke?

  • ย Elizabeth (Betsy) Braddock was an English woman with telepathic powers and a โ€œpsychic knifeโ€ that discombobulates people that are hit with it.
  • She was the sister to Captain Britain and recently took his mantle and powers in Excalibur. She joined the X-men using the codename Psylocke. Keep this bit in mind laterโ€ฆ
  • โ€œThe Handโ€ captured her and switched her body with a Japanese assassin woman named Kwannon. She kept her powers and got a hot Asian ninja body. I think it gave her a โ€œthirst for fightingโ€ or something too. Iโ€™ll refer to this person as Betsy.
  • At some point her powers switched from telepathy to telekinesis.
  • ย  ย  ย  ย  ย Kwannon was in โ€œElizabethโ€™sโ€ body which contracted the โ€œLegacy Virusโ€ and died. She also somehow had โ€œElizabethโ€™sโ€ original powers. Weโ€™ll go with both body and mind access โ€œX-geneโ€ abilities or something. It doesnโ€™t work but whateverโ€ฆ
  • Something happened in some mini-series I never read where Kwannon was resurrected and they switched back to their original bodies.
  • This story is about Kwannon

We begin the story with what appears to be Kwannonโ€™s daughter. She seems to be controlled by some evil force and derails a subway train. Kwannon narrates how she wants to find this daughter and bring her to Krakoa and how peaceful Krakoa is. The only word spoken by this daughter is Apoth. Apoth seems to be the ultimate villain of this comic.

We then go to Kwannon as sheโ€™s meditating in Krakoa. Some being or force (possibly God as โ€œAbrahamโ€ is mentioned) contacts her and mentally tells her this Apoth person is evolving people: that heโ€™s taken something from her; and that she needs to go to Japan and fight him. So far so goodโ€ฆ Unfortunately, we have to deal with this status quo soโ€ฆ

Kwannon goes to see Magneto as heโ€™s in charge since they havenโ€™t brought back Xavier yet after he was killed in โ€œX-force #1โ€. Theyโ€™re really trying to milk this. She asks for permission to leave Krakoa because apparently on top of being a terrorist ethnostate itโ€™s a prison now because things are on โ€œlockdownโ€ after Xavier was shot. The โ€œMaraudersโ€ and Excalibur teams are an exception apparently because reasons. Or editors donโ€™t try anymore. Take your pick. The scene is fairly tedious but we learn โ€œKwannonโ€ has chosen to take the name Psylocke. Remember that bit I told you to remember before? This is where it comes up. Hereโ€™s what they should have done:

  • Besty should be Psylocke as that was always her codename. Scrap the whole โ€œher being Captain Britain thingโ€. So far she doesnโ€™t even use any of those powers.
  • ย Kwannon should just be โ€œKwannon. Revanche would also be acceptable.

Back with the scene, Magneto dicks around about it and is like โ€œask Mr. Sinister, something, something. I canโ€™t officially let you so Iโ€™ll pretend like you didnโ€™t askโ€. The whole time youโ€™re just like โ€œlet her go you assholeโ€! Then we get an even more tedious scene with Mr. Sinister. As they talk Kwannon says something about people not trusting her. I donโ€™t get what this is about. As far as I ever knew she was an ally to the X-men. Why wouldnโ€™t they trust her? They trust straight up genocidal monsters like Apocalypse but not her?! โ€œSinisterโ€ eventually agrees to give her passage out of Krakoa.

Next we cut to some party people are having that night on Krakoa. While others are dancing X-23 is sitting and Teen Cable asks her about it.ย  I think heโ€™s trying to mack on her but Iโ€™m not sure. X-23 is basically like โ€œyou tryna scrapโ€? The Teen Cable is like โ€œyou want none of thisโ€! Then X-23 kicks his ass.

fight

Itโ€™s great! Teen Cable sucks. Kwannon then sees them and is like โ€œhey, yaโ€™ll looks like yaโ€™ll might be up for a possible death mission. If you got the sack for it, meet me at my cribโ€.ย 

Marauders #2

Info page with some unknown person contacting the US Navy about The Marauders.

  • ย ย The video from last issue went viral
  • Thereโ€™s something about Storm giving mutants hard drives that allow them to contact other mutants and leave their countries.
  • ย Something about The Marauders conducting business in โ€œwhiskey bars, gay dance clubs, and an underground casinoโ€ and this mystery person needing money for agents theyโ€™ve placed in these places in case The Marauders return
  • ย Something about The Marauders stealing a boat from someone birthday party because theyโ€™re thieving assholes who have never heard of the โ€œBlackbirdโ€ or any other plane they could easily legally get

Emma talks telepathically to the Stepford Cuckoos. Thereโ€™s something about sticking together as women. Emma and Sebastian Shaw then talk about how he is somehow losing money and ships while selling miracle drugs on the black market. So I guess Sebastian Shaw is a bungling idiot which is the exact opposite of what I thought. I guess the mutants on these ships canโ€™t fight worth a fuck and are also incompetent. Iโ€™m not even going to fight you on this comicโ€ฆWe then go to The Marauders mid-battle with Batroc The Leaper and some goons. This team has Storm, Ice-Man, and Pyro on it so them not beating them in less than a minute is an embarrassment. Pryoโ€™s so useless heโ€™s reduced to biting a guy. Time to hit the Danger Room guys youโ€™ve gotten rusty. The exception is Kitty who just like in the last issue proves to be such a good fighter everyone else is covering her at most. On another note the timeline is pretty murky and unclear but Kitty is still sporting the injury to her nose from the beginning of issue one. If itโ€™s still injured she needs to go to a fucking doctor already because conservatively itโ€™s had to have been several weeks by now.

Excalibur #2

We start way in the past and see Apocalypse watch two mutants drown. Heโ€™s a dick. Thatโ€™s well established. Then we cut to the Excalibur team on the Maraudersโ€™ ship. Theyโ€™re going to where the old Excalibur team had a lighthouse to set up one of their fast travel plants there. Planes just donโ€™t exist anymore so itโ€™s up to Kitty and her apparently permanently disfigured nose to sail them there. Kitty jokes about hot tubsโ€ฆ I donโ€™t even have the energy to groan at this shit anymoreโ€ฆ

Rogue is still frozen from last issue so her husband Gambit really isnโ€™t having Kittyโ€™s bullshit. Seriously though Kitty is coming off like a real โ€œsee you next Tuesdayโ€ here as she also make a joke about Jubilee leaving her defenseless baby on an island filled with mutant terrorists to be involved in this nonsense. Poor Shogo (thatโ€™s the baby btw if you didnโ€™t know).

The boat is then attacked by some all black female looking creatures called โ€œSelkiesโ€ (Betsy tells us theyโ€™re like Seal-people) that were sent by Morgan Le Fay. During this confrontation we learn the lighthouse is somehow gone. Betsy leaves the ship and the Selkies follow her. She then climbs to a cliff and they canโ€™t walk on land so theyโ€™re fucked.ย 

highground

Why send something this Goddamn useless?! Why is everything so Goddamn convenient all the time?! Why?!

Okay deep breathโ€ฆ Sorry. Letโ€™s continue. Betsy uses telekinesis to move Rogue to her and the others eventually join her. They move further up the cliff to find some remnants of the lighthouse and discover a group of people in green cloaks that look like the guys that drowned in the beginning of this comic only Betsy can see them.

gazoo

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