๐๐๐๐๐ โ๐ ๐๐๐๐ค ๐ธ๐ฃ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐น๐๐ค๐ฅ ๐น๐ ๐ ๐๐ค ๐๐ ๐ฆ โ๐๐ ๐น๐ฆ๐ช?:
๐๐๐ค๐ง๐ฉ ๐๐๐ซ๐๐๐ฌ๐จ ๐๐ ๐-๐๐๐ฃ 2-4
& ๐๐๐ ๐ฒ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐พ๐ ๐ผ๐ข ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
X-Men #2
Comics used to be better. Donโt get me wrong theyโre always bad comics even terrible ones. The best comics were fantastic remarkable pieces of art that pushed the medium in new directions. Nowadays the best comics are pretty good maybe even great with a small โGโ. What really suffers though, is that creamy middle level of comics. All of this is to say this comic is pretty good… By todayโs standards… Back in the day, this would be considered a perfectly serviceable filler issue. Something used as a nice little break after a big storyline. Nothing too fancy. Just a few characters going on some minor mission with a little character interaction and banter. Basically, Cyclops, Rachel, and Teen Cable investigate the sister Island to Krakoa and run into the inhabitants. Thereโs some misunderstandings. Something, something, Apocalypse is involved with the people on the island and thatโs pretty much it. Teen Cable still sucks and heโs kind of annoying but itโs not overbearing. Itโs just an average normal comic. Iโll give it a B.
Recommendation: One Of The Better Books You Can Buy
X-Men #3
This issue on the other hand… Holy fuck! This oneโs going to be super short. You know Poison Ivy? Well splits her into 3, take away her powers, and make all three of her 80. Thatโs the villain. They attack some mutants in the Savage Land and Cyclops, Emma Frost, and Sebastian Shaw go to investigate. They actually kick Sebastian shows ass and itโs literally the stupidest thing I think Iโve ever seen! Thereโs a bunch of terrible old people jokes. Thereโs a fake catty scene between Jean Grey and Emma thatโs stupid as fuck. Itโs like a bad joke gone way too far. Easily a candidate for โworst comic of 2019โ. D-.
Recommendation: One Of The Worst Books You Can Buyย
X-Men #4
I can now never unknow how stupid Apocalypse in a suit while attending a meeting is. I can never have the pure stupidity of that image scrubbed from my brain. Itโs clear Hickman is bored with his own status quo here. So this whole series is just random things happening that usually involve Cyclops for some reason. Anyway, this is another issue that involves meetings with humans and the humans planning some kind of double-cross. Xavier, Magneto, and Apocalypse go meet with some people at the โWorld Economic Forumโ in Switzerland. Cyclops and Gorgon are also there as security.ย
If youโre wondering if they bother to explain who Gorgon is in case you havenโt read every issue of โWolverineโ (heโs a Wolverine villain) then your expectations are way too high for this comic. Itโs your fault for expecting more at this point. Anyway, I donโt know much about him, but I hear he murdered children so Iโm surprised he was in the front of the line to rule the terrorist Ethnostate of Krakoa.
Anyway, the humans planned to have some guys shoot at Xavier, Magneto, and Apocalypse. The latter two being useless to attempt this on, but Cyclops and Gorgon stops this. Gorgon then maims all the shooter guys. So itโs as crappy as usual. C-. And with this, I offer the conditions of my surrenderโฆ
I give up. I admit I didnโt understand the nature of this conflict and Iโve underestimated my opponent. I just want to say I donโt want to fight and that I want peace. I honestly didnโt know no we were still at war. I thought we had made an unspoken agreement to a ceasefire.
ย
This all started a few years ago when due to Fox owning the rights to the X-Men movies Marvel deemphasized them and forced the Inhumans on us as a replacement. Those of us the love that X-Men declared all-out war. We fought long, and we fought hard but we beat you we beat you badly. It was an embarrassing defeat. I see now that you never let that defeat go. You pushed these characters on us for years and we said no. Then you finally caved. Your final attack was the โAge Of X-Menโ storyline. It was a move of desperation. Thatโs the only logical explanation for putting out something so shitty. Something that took so long and was so pointless. But finally… The war was over.
See, I thought the announcement of Hickmanโs run on X-Men was a white flag and an olive branch. I wasnโt the biggest fan of the manโs past work, but it was certainly competent work. Youโre actually going to try with X-Men comics again? Thatโs all we ever wanted. Then House and Powers Of X was launched, and it was like reading it punished you for thinking. I didnโt realize the nice art was the โTrojan Horseโ. It got worse and worse and stupider and stupider as it strayed further away from anything that X-Men ever was or should ever be. I was one of the few that sounded the alarm. I thought this was merely poor storytelling… But now I realize that no the war never ended.ย
This whatโs our punishment. I do want to stop for a second to say I tried to be fair. Iโm one of the few who would say I donโt think the Inhumans show was that bad. I liked it a hell of a lot more than Agents Of Shield. It had kind of likable characters. Maximus was an interesting villain… But I was outvoted. They showed no mercy in ridiculing and destroying it.
Let me get back on topic. I now understand that ruthlessness is the same level of ruthlessness you are now showing us through the X-Men. I underestimated you. I honestly never thought youโd be willing to just kill the X-Men as a franchise completely, but I clearly see now that youโre willing to do it. Youโre not bluffing. X-Men #3 was like the bomb dropped on Hiroshima and I see the bomb coming for Nagasaki. I saw the little ad campaign for that โHellionsโ book. The book with a completely wrong nonsensical title that should be for a book about evil teen mutants with a complete slapdash cast of characters that make no sense whatsoever. Iโve seen a constant carpet bombing for all the other terrible โX-titlesโ. Iโm not willing to wait for the other big one. I surrender. Just spare X-Men. Just stop. You donโt even have to retcon it. Weโll all just pretend this didnโt happen.ย
If you feel the need to do it Iโll just give you this. After โAge of X-Manโ everybody hallucinated and none of this shit happened. There you go. Quick and to the point and we never need to discuss any of this again. In return Iโll buy any Inhumans book you put out. Go ahead and put out five in Inhumans books every month. Thatโs twenty bucks a month now. Thatโs more than double what people pay for โDisney+โ. Iโm not even asking for X-Men to be good. Just regular mediocre unsatisfying X-Men. Just stop doing this! I care about X-Men too much. Maybe we can both agree on that someday and youโll put out a good X-Men comic. For the love of God though, stop this terrorist Ethnostate thing youโve made! You win! You fucking win, okay?!