Which Comics Are The Best Books You Can Buy?: New Superhero Comic Book & Graphic Novel Ratings & Reviews [ Marvel / DC Comics / Image / Indie ] 08-28-18 House Of X #03 & Marvel Comics #1000

Which Comics Are The Best Books You Can Buy?:  

New Superhero Comic Book & Graphic Novel Ratings & Reviews 

[ Marvel / DC Comics / Image / Indie ] 08-28-18

House Of X #03 & Marvel Comics #1000

 

Books Of 08-28-19

House Of X #3

The story begins with a cringy scene with “Cyclops”, “Xavier”, and “Magneto”. “Xavier” “can hear the fear in his mind” and says that he “needs to overcome it for his family”. “Magneto” then says something about how “you never die if you’re not forgotten”. Both of them act way to “dad-like” to “Cyclops” especially with the differences “Xavier” and “Cyclops” have had not too recently. “Cyclops’ then forms his team to go into space and stop “Mother Mold/ Nimrod“.

For this mission rescuing the humans is not a priority. Not “X-men” at all. Jean at least acts like a hero and questions this. The “X-men” then fly off from what appears to be a “Krakoan” base on the moon. Then we interrupt the story with an information page that is mostly a waste on stuff we already know about “Sentinels”. The little bit that might be new isn’t important. Another information page explains how the “X-men” in “Moira’s” previous life from one hundred years in the future got incomplete files on “Nimrod’s” origin. “Nimrod’s” creation is believed to be connected with the creation of “Mother Molds”. The “X-men” of this time were able to monitor technological advances that lead to “Mother Mold”/“Nimrod”. Third information page explains a “superhuman supermax prison” called “Project Achilles” for the “worst of the worst”. It houses only thirty criminals.

We then see a scene at that prison where “Sabretooth” is on trial for being part of the break-in back in “House Of X #1”. His lawyer pleads “Sabretooth” was an unwilling accomplice. Something is mentioned about a “12 strike rule” that “supersedes intent”. Shenanigans! “Sabretooth” himself pleads guilty and is a dick about it. “Emma Frost” and two of the “Stepford Cuckoos” then enter and declares that citizens of “Krokoa“ have diplomatic immunity and that they will take “Sabretooth” into their custody. She’s a total bitch about it and they let her go because they can’t stop her. So we have complete justification for why humans need “Sentinels” right here. There’s then another wasted page on explaining how “Omega Sentinels” are humans injected with nanotech “Sentinels”. They’re injected and become machines. It’s pretty self-evident.

We go to where “Mother Mold” is and two of the human scientists talk. They’re both ladies. One brings up the point that the machines will eventually take over everything which is exactly what we saw happens in the future. The other says something about a control collar preventing that. Then people at the “Mother Mold” station or whatever see the “X-men’s” plane and know they’re coming.  Somehow this giant space station doesn’t have the defenses to stop the “X-men’s” plane. They’re defenses “aren’t ready yet”.

“Nightcrawler” is then sent to make sure the plans they have for this space station are correct. He teleports into it and runs into the scientists from before. The one that called out how “machines will take over everything” is named “Karima” and “Nightcrawler” seems to know her. I think “Karima” is an “Omega Sentinel” but it isn’t clear. The “X-men” are about to enter when some guy who is married to or at least banging the other scientist chick sets off a huge explosion to defend the base killing himself and possibly the “X-men”. We’re then given yet another informational page that explains how “Doug Ramsey/Cypher” created the “Krakoan” language. Again a lot of it was explained already, so this is mostly a waste. There’s then a key given for the language. So if you give a shit about that it’s there. They then give you two pages you can translate. C- even with the art.

Recommendation: One you should put in the maybe pile (barely)

 

Marvel Comics #1000

You deserve better than this. Especially for the price of ten bucks. I’ll cut to the chase on this one. Don’t buy this. Don’t support this. The buzz about this comic shortly before it came out was that this was a just a cash grab. I thought to myself “somewhere around ninety percent of comics are cash grabs nowadays so why single out this one”? I was wrong. Not too long ago “DC” put out “Action Comics” and “Detective Comics” #1000. Neither was great, but they had an okay short story or two. This comic attempted to crank out over eighty (!) single page stories (one for every year “Marvel” has been publishing comics). In all fairness, writing comics is hard and short stories are hard to do. Creating a compelling story within a single page might be the ultimate challenge in writing. Comics that are one page usually contain a single joke or the smallest update to an ongoing story when done well. Expecting to achieve that over eighty times is overly ambitious, insane, stupid or a sign the people attempting it don’t respect what they’re trying to. At worst, it’s people with an attitude of “who cares if it’s good they’ll buy in anyways”. The only plus I can give to this is that there is a recurring story within these stories that is somewhat interesting. If this story within smaller stories was a miniseries or a minor event, it might have had a chance of being good. This story though focuses on such minor obscure characters in “Marvel” that only the most hardcore “Marvel” people with knowledge “Marvel’s” earliest characters could appreciate it fully. Again don’t buy this, but if you are at all tempted to, I’ve gone through the tedious daunting task of reading and briefly summarizing every single story in “Marvel Comics” #1000 so you don’t have to…

Story 1: Seems to expand on a single panel from “Marvel Comics” #1. Some guys created the original “Human Torch”. That’s it. Art’s good though. 

Story 2: Three guys named “X1, X2, & X3” meet with some former thief turned crime writer called “The Ferret”. They refer to themselves as a “X-humans”. They want “The Ferret’s” mask that he used as “The Operative”. “The Ferret,” says something about it being magic and gives it to them to help them fight Nazis. Wtf?! Again the art is good though. 

Story 3: “Steve Rogers”, right before he’s about to become “Captain America”, stumbles onto the three guys from the last story as they seem to try to create someone called “The Thunderer”. 

Story 4: “Robert DeCosta” (the rich Brazilian mutant, “Sunspot”) talks to “Jimmy Choo” (the rich Asian guy who runs “Agents Of Atlas”) about the three X guys. He says they called “The Scientific Guild” and they popularized using “X” to represent mutants. He then says after creating the original “Human Torch” and “The Thunderer” (also called “The Dark Avenger”) they disappeared. Looks like they will investigate it. 

Story 5: “America Chavez” talks about her origin. There’s a curious part where she’s amazed people would take in a “bloody broken” kid when any half-decent person would. The only relevance to this is she’s sort of named after an old 4o’s character “Miss America”. 

Story 6: Text piece over an image of “Captain America” about why he wears a mask. It’s about the thought that America is an idea about truth, justice, equality and all that stuff. This is the one where you might have heard about controversy about what Mark Waid originally wrote. I saw nothing controversial about. It was basically “America hasn’t lived up to the ideals of America so let’s fight to do that 😊”. Whatever though… 

Story 7: Dumb thing about “Hellcat’s” tips for taking selfies. It’s not funny. 

Story 8: Text boxes over a picture of “The All Winners Squad” as they look sad as “Captain America” hold another “Captain America” that appears to be dead. The text is something about “The Thunderer” telling “The Science Guild” he won’t work for them and something about another android they created. Wtf?! 

Story 9: “Jimmy Choo” is with “Namora”. He wants to search for “The Thunderer”.  At the moment she’s busy fighting off an invasion of some underwater kingdom in a “flying saucer” style ship they’re both in. Someone named “Bob” (“Bob Grayson” the original “Marvel Boy”) is linked to the ship and says the ship is his mind. Wtf?! “Bob” then says he met “The Thunderer” and that “it’s not about him but his mask”. Again wtf?! Particularly poor storytelling here. 

Story 10: This cowboy guy “The Masked Raider” is on the ground after being shot twelve times. He’s wearing “The Thunderer’s” mask. Some guy trying to help him takes the mask off but “Masked Raider” tells him not to. The other guy does it anyway and “The Masked Raider” dies the second the mask is taken off. The other guy then puts on the mask and wants to get justice for “The Masked Raider”. 

Story 11: A bunch of random stuff with “Tessie The Typist”, some private eye guy, the original “Marvel Boy”, and “Venus”. 

Story 12: “Marvel Boy” is in a cave next to what looks like “The Thunderer’s” corpse. A message from “The Thunderer” is then broadcasted from a nearby machine on a frequency only someone “special” like “Marvel Boy” can hear. “The Thunderer” warns that “The Scientist’s Guild” is still after the mask and that they may have a new name so look for “anyone trying to impose order on society”. 

Story 13: “Dr. Strange” tries to wash his “Cloak of Levitation” or whatever and it causes him trouble. Dumb and not funny. 

Story 14: Various versions of “Loki” telling each other “you can escape”. Wtf?! Great art though. 

Story 15: A “Not Brand Echh” throwback. “Bulk” and “Thung” fight over ice cream. Not funny. 

Story 16: The “Avengers” headquarters is now the insides of a dead “Celestial”. “Gorilla-Man” is part of “The Avengers” staff. “Jimmy Choo” (through a hologram) ask “Gorilla-Man” to mind-link with the dead “Celestial” to search for info on “The Thunderer’s Mask”. 

Story 17: Back in the time of King Arthur, “The Black Knight” fights some guy with “The Thunderer’s” mask. The fight lasts three whole days and “The Black Knight” wins but he’s too weak to stop a couple guys from running off with the mask. 

Story 18: “Jimmy Woo” fights some “Hydra” guys while talking to “Roberto DeCosta” speculating on the history of “The Thunderer’s” mask. He awkwardly compares it to an immigrant as part of this… 

Story 19: This old guy “Matt Masters” has “The Thunderer’s” mask and is being robbed by this other guy “Dennis Piper”. “Piper” is a “Robin Hood type” and “Matt” started the rumor that got “Piper” to come rob him. “Matt” then gives “Piper” the mask. 

Story 20: “The Scientific Guild” changes its name to “The Enclave”. There’s also stuff about “The Thunderer’s” mask not working because they’re evil and them trying to create something. 

Story 21: They waste Alex Ross art on some reporter asking “The Hulk” some dumb questions. Inexcusable!

Story 22: Pointless thing with “Rocket” and “Groot” being interviewed. “Groot” says positive things that “Rocket” disagrees with. Dumb, but the cartoony art is nice

Story 23: “The Thing” gets interviewed about what he does. He talks about what “Mr. Fantastic” and “Captain America” would say then answers “because people need me”. 

Story 24: “Spider-Man” calls the head of the “Columbia Science Department” and tells him how he got powers from a spider bite. The guy doesn’t believe him and thinks he’s crazy. Basically, this is really about common arguments about how “Spider-Man’s” powers make no sense. We then see the guy “Spider-Man” was talking to was “Dr. Octopus”. Mildly clever. 

Story 25: Pointless overview of “Ironman” in text boxes over a picture of “Tony’s” face and three of his armors. 

Story 26: “Steve Rogers” and “Bucky” are in a snowball fight as kids. The snowball fight ends and the kids head home. “Bucky” says “Steve” “looks like a frozen tie”. There then there’s an image of “Captain America” frozen in ice. 

Story 25: Pointless thing with “Blackbolt” and “Jockjaw”. Not funny. 

Story 26: Sort of a meta thing about “Black Panther” addressing people caught up in the hype of the “Black Panther” movie who “wear the garments” but don’t “represent the soul”. Semi- interesting but needed more than one page. 

Story 27: Something about “The Scientist’s Guild” and a blind girl (“Alicia Masters”?) finding “The Thunderer’s” mask in space. Also they created “Adam Warlock” or something. Not sure cuz’ it’s a confusing mess. 

Story 28: Pointless thing with “Captain Marvel”. 

Story 29: “Galactus” fights and defeats “Thanos” with “The Infinity Gauntlet” (Shenanigans!) and he explains how he’s like a “farmer” to “sheep” who see him only as “the planet-eating guy”. I don’t imagine he would think about this or give a shit. 

Story 30: “Conan” is a king, and a thief gets brought before him for judgment. The thief is a guy who stole stuff with “Conan” when they were younger so “Conan” lets him go. That’s it. Effin’ stupid. 

Story 31: Pointless “Red Wolf” thing. 

Story 32: Super pointless “Blade” thing. Didn’t even bother with dialog for this one. 

Story 33: “Mary Jane” talking about “Gwen Stacy” and how they were kinda friends. Might have been interesting if there was more to it. 

Story 34: The creators of “Wolverine” coach the “character” of “Wolverine” like he was an actor right before his first appearance in comics. Creative at least. 

Stroy 35: Pointless thing with “The Punisher”. 

Story 36: Pointless thing with the two “White Tigers” (I didn’t know there were two). 

Story 37: The “Star Wars” one. Some chick flies her ship into “Vader”. Rebel guys think “Vader” is dead. He isn’t. 

Story 38: “Weapon Alpha” from “Alpha Flight” is sent to investigate a “fully operational base” of “The Scientist’s Guild”. He blasts his way inside the base and finds that the place has been wrecked. Some guy named “Blind Justice” shoots “Weapon Alpha” with some kind of electric gun that shorts out “Weapon Alpha’s” suit. We only “Blind Justice’s” face in shadow so he may or may not have “The Thunderer’s” mask. 

Story 39: This one is an ink drawing of “Night Raven” (never heard of him) with text around it. The text describes how “Night Raven” was a crime fighter who git on the bad side of an immortal woman named “Yi Yang” who ran the “Dragon Fang” crime syndicate. “Yi Yang” makes him immortal. From there “Night Raven” then describes they battled for decades and how world events such as the World Wars were just a backdrop of their battles. Seriously?! He also describes how being alive for such a long time drives you insane. Then ten years ago “Yi Yang” disappeared. “Night Raven” then tells us how he caught a mugger three days ago who told him “Yi Yang says hi” before killing himself. Mildly interesting. Would’ve been nice if this were an actual comic. 

Story 40: Something about “She-Hulk” not getting enough credit or something. 

Story 41: We compare what happens to “Iron Man” and “Dr. Doom” after “Dr. Doom” takes something called “The Matrix” after he defeats “Iron Man”. “Iron Man” struggles because he’s hurt while “Dr. Doom” walks confidently. “Iron Man” is greeted by his friends “The Avengers” and falls asleep after railing “Pepper Potts” while “Dr. Doom” falls asleep in his chair after jerking it to some chick that vaguely looks like “Sue Richards”. I made up that last part to make this more interesting than the actual story. 

Story 42: Some “breaking the 4th wall” stuff about “Hercules” being jealous of “Thor” with some robot guy I’ve never heard of. Dumb and not funny. 

Story 43: A little Black girl in an orphanage in Italy draws a picture of “Storm” but she won’t speak. We later see her dreaming about how “Storm” rescued her from a boat during a storm.

Story 44: “Spider-Man” saves a pregnant woman’s life, and the woman wants his real first name so she can name her son after him. “Spider-Man” tell her it’s “Ben”. We then see he’s done this many times. Kinda cute with nice painted art. By far the best story so far. 

Story 45: They tried to do the “illegal immigrant” thing with “Thor” and it doesn’t work. He then goes into the “learning humility” part of his origin to describe why he helps people. 

Story 46: Pointless thing with “Howard The Duck” that ends up being a parody of a “fruit pie gag”. Not funny

Story 47: “Spider-Man” mourning at the spot where he killed a woman named “Charlie” in “Spider-Man Versus Wolverine”. “Wolverine” then shows up and tells him to get over it. The only reason I understood this at all was because I watched a video on “YouTube” by “Comicpop” about “Spider-Man versus Wolverine”.

Story 48: Pointless thing with “Speedball”. 

Story 49: Some new guy is being shown around “Damage Control” by a guy who’s worked there awhile. “The Vulture” attacks and steaks a case of “Chitauri” stuff. The art is really ugly. 

Story 50: “Night Thrasher” talks to “Jimmy Choo” as he examines the body of “Blind Justice”. We learn that “Blind Justice” was one of the members of “The Scientists Guild” and that he passed “The Thunderer’s” mask on to someone else before he got killed. “Blind Justice” was killed with a “chronal device” so there’s no telling when he was killed. “Night Thrasher the suggests bringing in” Blue Marvel” to help. 

Story 51: Pointless thing where “Cable” talks about “X-Force” and “Deadpool” makes a joke at the end. Not funny and has typically bad Liefeld art. 

Story 52: “The Thing” knocks out “Venom” and for some reason “Spider-Man” is a dick about. Effin’ stupid! 

Story 53: “The Punisher” and “Wolverine” are in some kind of shootout. “Wolverine” reveals he likes bath bombs and we learn they both take baths. Not funny and fucking bizarre. 

Story 54: “Spider-Man” talks to someone we don’t see with his mask off about the route he takes web-slinging every night and how certain areas where people that were close to him that died affect his “Spider-sense”. This seems wrong but whatever. 

Story 55: Pointless thing with “Apocalypse”. 

Story 56: Pointless thing with pictures of “Captain America” and some kid with a “Captain America” backpack and the Pledge Of Allegiance. 

Story 57: “Deadpool” does a parody of “Chicken Soup For The Soul” but it’s not funny. 

Story 58: “Daredevil” tells some person filming him why he is actually not a “Daredevil” or a “man without fear”. Actually decent with good art by Joe Quesada and Jimmy Palmiotti. 

Story 59: “Rick Jones” gets interviewed and is self aware that he’s in a comic book. That’s it. 

Story 60: “Sage” write some generic stuff about the “X-men” and the words are over mediocre “X-men” drawings. 

Story 61: Some interviewer (leaning into this way too hard BTW) asks “Jessica Jones” about the “personal risk of being a superhero now that she’s a mom,”. “Jessica,” responds “worry, yes. Regret… Never,”.

Story 62: “Elsa Bloodstone” talks about hunting monsters to this shark thing with legs. Then she finds it cute and says she’ll “kill anything that tries to hurt it”. 

Story 63: More generic “X-men” stuff. This time with manga art that is badly colored. 

Story 64: “Gabby” wakes up “X-23” and she doesn’t appreciate being woken up from a nap. Then “Gabby” opens the window to show “X-23” a bunch of heroes fighting “Fin Fang Foom”. She then uses the old “Marvel” motto of “The world outside your window”. 

Story 65: “The Young Avengers” in their civilian clothes meet for lunch or something. Everyone else tries to get “Patriot” to lead them again. He is reluctant but “Terminus” attacks and they become “The Young Avengers” again to fight him. It’s left ambiguous if this is one-time thing or they will be a full-fledged team again. 

Story 66: “Jessica Jones” and “Luke Cage” get interviewed on some TV show about “finding balance between being superheroes and parenting”. There’s a reference to a comic where “Dr. Doom” owed “Luke Cage” money and in the end they both agree there is no balance. 

Story 67: “Hulk” tell “Amadeus Cho” he wants to be alone and then a bunch of “Hulk’s” friend and family come around him. Unbelievably pointless. 

Story 68: Even more unbelievably pointless “Iron Man” thing. 

Story 69: “Blue Marvel” recaps the history of “The Thunderer’s” mask that we’ve seen in this comic to “Night Thrasher” and “Jimmy Choo”. This doesn’t help them with finding the mask or “The Enclave” now. “Jimmy Choo” then suggests that they are now “the three X’s”. 

Story 70: “Mary Jane” the character is treated like an actress as “Mary Jane” goes through her various phases as a character. Good, J. Scott Campbell art at least. He also makes an okay joke about a cover he drew of “Mary Jane” where she’s in an awkward pose. =

Story 71: Text about “Miles Morales” locking himself out of his house over a nice painted picture of “Miles” as “Spider-Man” locked out of his house. 

Story 72: Something about “Spider-Man” giving up the element of surprise he had against “Dr. Octopus” so he could be with “Aunt May” as she visited “Uncle Ben’s” grave. 

Story 73: Explanation of scars that “Cable” with terrible art. 

Story 74: “Miracleman” reads some “Marvel Comics” in a world that has no need for superhero comics because it’s so good I think. Then some “Miracleman”-like woman (I know nothing about “Miracleman”) comes kisses him and says “those are what got us into this mess in the first place”. 

Story 75: “Dr. Doom” acts like he’s the only one who’s ever suffered or something. It’s dumb, and the art is bad. 

Story 76: An interviewer (seriously get a new gimmick!) asks “Deadpool” why he does what he does. Instead of answering “Deadpool” complains about the 9-panel grid format of the comic. Not funny. 

Story 77: Various characters get asked what they regret. Some of the answers are intended to be funny but aren’t and a couple are serious. Then “The Watcher,” says mortals shouldn’t have regrets. They should rectify them or move on because life is short. Most of this is a waste but there’s a good message in the end. 

Story 78: “The Silver Surfer” says something about how the only thing that matters is the choices you make. He chooses to do good. 

Story 79: Eternity says a whole lot of nothing before revealing “The Thunderer’s” mask is is a piece of him. 

Story 80: We learn that whoever currently has “The Thunderer’s” mask listened to, watched, or was the one interviewing in all the interviews of the characters in this comic. These interviews inspired this person to take on “The Enclave”. This person calls themselves “The Masked Raider”. 

Story 81: One of the guys in “The Enclave” says “Adam IV project is fully active” and that “Korvac” is online. Then there’s a guy with a bunch of tubes coming out of him and scientists working around him. 

The vast majority of this is nothing less than a complete waste of time. The few stories that are any good still aren’t anywhere near great and are absolutely not worth paying for. I’ll give this a C- that is dangerously close to a D.

Recommendation: One of the worst books you can buy

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