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10-30-19 Excalibur #1
Excalibur #1
 Iâve said this before but it needs reiterating âApocalypseâ is a genocidal madman. He is not a freedom fighter for mutants who is overly aggressive. Heâs not someone who is merely for mutant supremacy. In fact, I would contend that âApocalypseâ doesnât care about mutants at all. Heâs completely agnostic about it. He is about who is strongest and that is it. Thatâs why âThe Hulkâ was one of his horsemen once. Not a mutant. Just one of the strongest. As weâve seen in the âAge of Apocalypseâ where âApocalypseâ ruled America if he had his way, heâd commit genocide on humans. He would put them in pens and systematically cull them. âCullâ being a nice word for murder here. So having âApocalypseâ as a member of an âX-teamâ is nothing less than insanity. Itâs sick, and itâs obscene, but more importantly itâs stupid.
With that out of the way, the main thing that can be said about this comic is that itâs boring. Thereâs boring stuff with âMorgan Le Fayâ. Boring stuff with âCaptain Britainâ and âPsylockeâ⊠I mean âElizabeth Braddockâ. âPsylockeâ is now the Asian woman that âElizabeth Braddockâ switched bodies with. Ya know the cool ninja âPsylockeâ that we actually like. This comic is so boring and the storytelling is so poor that I imagine the pitch for it went something like thisâŠ
Editor: Hey you!
Writer: Were you talking to me?
Editor: Yeah, whatever. Youâre writing âExcaliburâ now
Writer: What?
Editor: Youâre writing âExcaliburâ and âApocalypseâ is on the team.
Writer: Wait, what are you talking about?
Editor: Also the boring British version of âPsylockeâ is the leader and sheâs âCaptain Britainâ now.
Writer: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What is going on here?!
Editor: You got a week to write it!
Writer: Iâm going to need months to even attempt to think about how to make any of this make any sense!
Editor: Actually the scheduleâs been bumped up you. You got three days! Also, do some âPrince symbol thingâ with âApocalypseâ. I like Prince and I like genocidal madmen.
From here Iâll just give random bullet points from the plot because itâs too boring to go into.
- Thereâs a gate to âOtherworld/Camelotâ (where âMorgan Le Fayâ lives) that is blocked off in âKrakoaâ. I think âApocalypseâ planted âKrakoaâsâ magic fast travel flowers there and âMorgan Le Fayâ is pissy about it.
- Thereâs some stuff with a coven in England that âMorgan Le Fayâ threatens.
- âJamie Braddockâ is brought back to life on âKrakoaâ. I donât know much about him but heâs a villain and heâs a dick.
- âCaptain Britainâ is called to âOtherworldâ to deal with the âMorgan Le Fayâ thing and âBetsyâ come with him. She changes into her costume with âKrakoan costume technologyâ. Wow, it there anything that the writers canât use âKrokoaâ to lazily explain?
- The âX-menâ learn âBetsyâ is in âOtherworldâ and want to get her back. For some reason âRogueâ is asked by âApocalypseâ to âabsorbâ the gate. I have no fucking clue what the fuck this was supposed to do.
- âCaptain Britainâ and âBetsyâ fight âMorgan Le Fayâ and her minions and âCaptain Britainâ is taken under âMorgan Le Fayeâsâ spell. âBetsyâ throws some âpsychic swordâ at the gate to âKrakoaâ and that shatters it trapping her there supposedly.
- On the other side in âKrakoaâ some kind of plant gets through the gate and it freezes âRogueâ.
- âBetsyâ grabs âCaptain Britainâsâ amulet and becomes the new âCaptain Britainâ. This allows her to leave âOtherworldâ.
- The main lady from the coven from before kills the other members of her coven and joins another coven.
This comic is the worst kind of bad. Itâs not even âfun badâ. Itâs just bland and hard to get through. Also, the art is nothing special. Fine, is about the most I can say about it. This is a really low C-.
Recommendation: One Of The Lesser Books You Can Buy