Which Comics Are The Best Books You Can Buy?: New Superhero Comic Book & Graphic Novel Ratings & Reviews [ Marvel / DC Comics / Image / Indie ] 09-18-19 House Of X #5

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New Superhero Comic Book & Graphic

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[ Marvel / DC Comics / Image / Indie ]

09-18-19 House Of X #5

 

I want you to know that I see you. I see you and I’m here to speak for you. I see you in comments to posts about “House Of X” and “Powers Of X” all over social media. I see you in these comments when words and phrases such as the following pop up:

  • “Not this universe”
  • ”Is this our timeline?”
  • “Pod people”
  • “Crazy”
  • “Weird”

What you’re saying with these words and phrases even if you don’t know it is: “this story doesn’t work and I don’t recognize these characters because they’ve been written totally out of character”. Let’s break these down a bit. Is this in the normal “Marvel” universe? I think we can safely say yes. There’s no indication this is a separate universe.

“Is this our timeline”? This gets tricky so things need to be clarified. “House Of X” is about the tenth life of “Moira MacTaggart” after getting information from her ninth life to the “X-men” so they could stop “Mother Mold” and thereby stop “Nimrod” who seems to always eventually exterminate all mutants. After saying all that, no, I think it’s clear this is not the “normal Marvel universe” timeline. We’re clearly shown things in the past that contradict the “normal “Marvel” universe’s” history of the “X-men”. Since we have been given the clue that “Moira” has a potential eleventh life “if she makes the right choice” it’s clear that she will die again and THAT life will be the normal “Marvel” universe timeline thereby rendering this entire storyline pointless. I see you searching desperately to “make all the pieces” fit. To make this story more than what it is. Sadly, I don’t think there’s anything there. If I’m wrong I’ll admit it, but from what I see this is just out of character “X-men” in a story that ultimately doesn’t matter.

It’s a hard pill to swallow but because I see you and I respect you I’m going to tell you the truth. It’s probably for the best this all gets wiped away anyway… Alright, let’s get to this shit…

I’ve said “fuck this comic” a couple of times during this series (to be clear “House Of X” and Powers Of X are ONE series) but it was somewhat tongue-in-cheek. Like if a good friend roasts you a bit. Like “haha, fuck this comic”. This time though, seriously FUCK. THIS. COMIC. This is… Perverse… That’s the best word I have for this. We begin with “Magneto” and “Polaris” saying some dickish things about humans. Personally, I always liked it when “Polaris” wasn’t “Magneto’s” daughter and they just had similar powers. Mutation is random, and that made sense to me but they retconned it so she is “Magneto’s” daughter and here we are…

So remember the noble sacrifice of an entire team of “X-men” to stop “Mother Mold” and save mutantkind? Remember “Xavier’s” grief and saying “no more”? Sure, maybe this is a pointless “Elseworlds” story but you gotta give it to em’ that was ballsy right?  Right?! Well, fuck all that because “Xavier’s” gonna bring em’ all back to life! The process is complicated and doesn’t really make sense but I’ll try to break it down.

  • “Sinister” has DNA from every mutant.
  • “Xavier” has the mind of every mutant in “Cerebro”.
  • The combined powers of the following create bodies:

    • “Goldballs” (he creates Gold balls that are actually eggs of some kind and the person’s DNA is put into these eggs)
    • “Proteus”(he can warp reality so there’s no need for the other people he could just make them alive again)
    • “Elixir” (he does something with cellular replication)
    • “Eva Bell” (she controls time, so she ages people within the eggs to their proper age)
    • “Hope” (she makes all the powers of the others work better and in unison)
       

So we see this done with all the “X-men” that were killed and we see them stand there naked and covered in orange goo.

naked

Then there’s a bizarre scene of “Storm” presenting these reborn “X-men” (who are still naked and gooey) to the people of “Krakoa”. Seriously, couldn’t toss em’ a shirt or nothing? For each one she asks them to say their name. Then after they do she asks them, “how do I know it’s you?”. They then say something relevant to them and then “Storm” hugs them. After that “Storm” calls out to the crowd “what is he/she?” and the crowd responds “MUTANT!”. When she gets to “Monet” it’s mildly funny that she says she doesn’t want to be touched when “Storm” goes in for the hug though.

Then we’re served up three information pages explaining the resurrection process that was just explained. There’s some more about how the process is slow and they want to try to resurrect every mutant that ever got killed.

Then there’s a scene with “Xavier” and “Emma Frost” at the UN. They talk telepathically about how “Emma” used telepathy to manipulate people so “Krakoa” would be officially acknowledged as a nation. “Beast” is also there, but he’s not relevant. “Xavier” approves of “Emma” doing this because he’s grossly out of character now.

We then get two information pages listing nations that won’t trade with Krakoa. On the first page the ones of note are: Iran, North Korea, Latveria, Brazil, Venezuela, and Wakanda (which is noted specifically as being against it because “they don’t need mutant drugs”. Took that break up with “Storm” pretty hard didn’t ya “Black Panther”?). They waste the second page on a map of this. We then end with all the mutant villains coming to “Krokoa” and “Apocalypse” shaking hands with “Xavier”. Personally, I always thought “Apocalypse” didn’t care about mutants but whoever was the strongest. The line “I am as far beyond mutants as they are beyond you” from “X-men: The Animated Series” comes to mind but whatever. The bigger problem is that this is the equivalent of MLK and Malcolm X teaming up with Hitler and Mengele because they don’t like the US government… Again it’s perverse.

This was stupid, perverse, destroys any stakes this series had and undoes the only kind of cool thing that happened which was the noble sacrifice of the “X-men” (specifically “Wolverine”). C- only because a D would be unfair to the artists.

Recommendation: One Of The Lesser Books You Can Buy (Only The Art Keeps It From Being One Of The Worst)

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