Which Comics Are The Best Books You Can Buy?: New Superhero Comic Book & Graphic Novel Ratings & Reviews [ Marvel / DC Comics / Image / Indie ] 09-18-19 Batman #79 & Spider-Man #1

Which Comics Are The Best Books You Can Buy?:

New Superhero Comic Book & Graphic Novel

Ratings & Reviews [ Marvel / DC Comics / Image / Indie ]

09-18-19 Batman #79 & Spider-Man #1

 

Batman #79

We’re told near the beginning that this issue takes place before “Batman #77” where “Alfred” got killed. I’ll cop to this being a nitpick but we start this issue with “Batman” and “Selina” working out as they talk about the first time they met. Specifically, this seems to refer to “Year One” which I’m not sure is in continuity after “The New 52”. During the beginning part of this conversation, “Catwoman” is balancing her entire body with one hand on “Batman’s” back as he is doing one arm push up. These are extremely athletic people but they aren’t superhuman. They have the conversation extremely casually with no sigh of any exertion from either of them. A “huff” or a “nngh” after every paragraph along with some sign of struggle from the art would have made this more plausible. Again, purely a nitpick. I’m not taking points off this comic for this just pointing it out…

Also during this conversation, it’s mentioned that the villain “Magpie” is selling stolen “Venom” in the area in a few days. They then have a drink at some outdoor bar or restaurant and hear news reports about what’s been going on in “Gotham”. Some asshole is then like “lol “Gotham” sucks” and “Catwoman” is like “don’t be talking shit about “The Gritty “G”” and knocks his punk ass out. She didn’t actually say that, to be clear…

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Then they have a “cute” scene in bed where “Catwoman” talks about how no one besides them cares about “Gotham” and how “Batman” would usually go it alone but now they’re partners or something. Then we get a scene where someone tries to rob the store but “Batman” and “Catwoman” are behind the guy and the cashier has really bad dialog telling the guy that. Then there’s a bunch of flashback scenes where “Catwoman” wants “Batman” to admit they first met in “Year One” when she was a whore but “Batman” doesn’t.

Then “Batman” and “Catwoman” stand staring at the sunset and “Batman” references “sending “Damian” in” which refers to what happened in “Batman #77”. Next, we shift to “Batman” and “Catwoman” attack the boat “Magpie” is on. There’s more “cutesy” dialog between “Batman” and “Catwoman”. They kick “Magpie’s” ass along with the goons with her and send her back to “Bane”. Then we go to “Batman” and “Catwoman” in their civilian clothes walking on the beach. “Batman” finally admits the first time he met “Catwoman” was back when she was a whore in “Year One”, but he “wasn’t really “Batman” yet so it doesn’t count”. They then have yet another cutesy moment where they both say “they met on the beach”.

It sucked, but it was well drawn. That’s becoming an all too common thing with these reviews but what can you do? C+.

Recommendation: One Of The Lesser Books You Can Buy

 

Spider-Man #1

Everything about this comic would make you think it would be a complete piece of shit. “J.J. Abrams and his son” got announced as the writers after one of the worst rollouts for anything ever. A rollout where everyone one got excited about something big like the first appearance of the “MCU” “Fantastic Four” which lead to universal disappointment that this comic was the announcement instead. “Yippee, a celebrity vanity project,” everyone thought. This combined with the terrible cover this issue features lead to my expectations being very low.

In the end, I’d say this is okay. First, it needs to be established that this is an alternate reality. “Marvel”, of course, deceptively never advertised this. I’m really tired of “Marvel” refusing to promote their comics honestly. Tell us what we’re getting and if you don’t have faith people will buy it if you do then you obviously shouldn’t make it. We start in the middle of a battle between “Spider-Man” and this giant robot guy “Cadaverous” (terrible name btw) and his robot minions. “Mary Jane” helps “Spider-Man” up from some rubble he’s in. He faces the “Cadaverous” guy and “Cadaverous” says something about needing his help before his minions attack “Spider-Man”. “Spider-Man,” tells “MJ” to run but before she can “Cadaverous” kills her. We don’t see how this battle ends, and we cut to “MJ’s” funeral where we see “Spider-Man’s” son “Ben” there.

We cut to twelve years later and “Ben” is now a teenager getting ready for school. We cut to him at school as a bully is picking on another kid. “Ben” tries to stop the bully, but the bully tells him to “kick rocks” and makes a comment about “Ben’s” mom. “Ben” then punches the guy through a classroom door. We then cut to “Ben” in the principal’s office and learn he got sent there four times that week for similar things. “Peter” then comes as the principal called him and we see he now sports a beard and his right hand is missing with a hook in its place. “Ben” ends up getting detention.

We then cut to the two of them in “Peter’s” car and learn that “Peter” has been a deadbeat dad by dumping “Ben” off on “Aunt May” while he does some kind of corporate job where he flies around a lot. “Peter” then drops him off at “Aunt May’s” place and “Ben’s” hand get stuck to the door when he tries to open it. Eventually, he rips the door apart trying to get in.  Later that night as “Ben” is sleeping we see “Aunt May” (who’s fat in this world) as she wakes “Ben” up checking on him. She asks about the door but lets it go when “Ben” doesn’t explain.

Next, we cut to the next day while “Ben” is in detention. This Asian goth looking chick named “Ito Faye” sits next to “Ben”. She has green paint all over her for some reason. “Ben” makes a crack about the paint and “Ito” soon goes into this whole thing about a teacher named “Mr. Foster” who’s a sexist or something and how “all it takes is one person to stand up but most people are afraid to”. We then see “Ben” thinking “if I go along with this I might be able to hit”.

After this, we cut to “Cadaverous” in whatever base he’s in and see he’s an old man in a robot suit. He’s surrounded by machines and monitors. He has some woman in some kind of stasis pod and he says something about a “subject failing” as he eats a sausage.  In another scene, we see “Peter” on the phone with “Aunt May” as he is on a flight that is about to take off. “Aunt May” is like “your kid’s being an asshole and he has spider-powers so stop pawning him off on me and raise him”. In response, Peter is like “lol nah, gotta go” and hangs up. 

Cut to that night where “Ben” has a dream about “Mary Jane” and himself being covered in blood. When he wakes up, he is stuck to the ceiling. “Aunt May” comes and after helping him down leads him to the attic where he finds “Peter’s” “Spider-Man” stuff and learns his dad is “Spider-Man”. 

I can’t help but notice a big part of this plot is almost exactly like the Kevin Smith movie “Jersey Girl” where Ben Affleck’s character over works on purpose to avoid being around his daughter because deep down he associates her with his wife’s (J.Lo’s character) death. The character then dumps his daughter on his dad. Pretty similar. All in all, like I said before it was okay. The art was great so that did a lot of the heavy lifting. I expected garbage, and this wasn’t that. B-.

Recommendation: One Of The Better Books You Can Buy

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